So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

There is no doubt many things take a drastic toll when we come home with a child with special needs. Often times, if they are born sick, we adjust to the hustle of life at the hospital. It becomes our normal routine and one spouse (or both) is working full time. There are thousands of variations of what can happen, it can be a first time pregnancy and you’re thrown into parenthood by becoming a hospital parent like what happened to us. Maybe you have a few little ones at home already when this pregnancy went awry. Some families are raising perfectly healthy kids when one gets a devastating diagnosis. Whatever the case may be, if you are in a happy marriage, that is bound to be put to the test.

Happy marriages take a lot of work these days, period. Add to that the incredible and mounting stress of raising a child with medical worries and it might seem impossible. At first, you manage, you deal and find a way to make things work. Some parents cope best by ignoring what’s going on or hoping it will soon go away. If you have hope that your medical diagnosis will eventually dissapear, great! But for most of us… that won’t soon happen. If you value your marriage, love your spouse and find yourself struggling, read this list.

1. COMMUNICATION is key. (Eye roll) As much as every self help book says, what does that even mean? Really talk about your day. Ask how it was and listen to the details.

2. Make time to discuss doctor’s appointments. One of my biggest struggles is spending three hours dealing with a doctor’s appointment only to come home and say it went “fine.” Take notes on the major points discussed with the doctor and relay that to your husband. Medication changes? Tell them why and how it is supposed to help.

3. Treat each other with respect. A lot of times, one parent is more in charge of medical issues than the other. Not for a lack of love, but it just works out that way. One spouse works full – time, maybe the other part – time or not at all outside the home. Maybe you both work outside the home. Respect what the other does and value it. Every contribution into a home is valuable, no matter what it is.

4. Be organized. Write out a list of tasks and divvy them up. Have formula to make, meds to pick up and dispense, feeding pump to hook up, bedtime routine? Write out a time line of when it all needs to happen and assign them. Go over it together to make sure it works time wise and the other understands that is their responsibility. Honestly, sometimes when one med has to be given every 6 hours and another 1 hour before they eat, another before bed and another right after meals, it can get confusing. It helps keep mom and dad accountable as well.

5. Have patience, both for your spouse and yourself. Emotions run high because there is no preparing for what you are going through. Whether it be cancer, heart disease, a premature baby… I promise you didn’t prepare for it. So be patient. We all have different coping mechanisms. I’m a talker, a big one. The more I talk (and cry) the better I feel. My husband closes up. That sure creates a pickle doesn’t it? Patience, young padawan. Forgive and be understanding, it will truly contribute to a peaceful and happy home.

6. Remember you are a still a couple, it all started with two. If possible, take time to be alone. This might mean having lunch together at the hospital or sitting together in the hallway chatting a few minutes a day. Maybe your circumstances allow you to have date night. Spending time alone is necessary to connect with each other and remember what you are fighting for.

A good, solid marriage takes hard work and dedication. When you go through a difficult medical situation, some would say it takes twice the amount. These are just a few suggestions to help keep your marriage strong through tough times. The time and effort you put into your marriage will always be worth the investment. A strong and united partnership will always make for smoother sailing during rough storms.

Share any points that have worked for you in the past or you plan to put into effect.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Hey Little Fighter Blog

Work at home moms to our little fighters. Carla lives in South Carolina with her husband and 3 year old daughter ,a survivor of childhood cancer. Michelle lives in Florida with her husband and son, a heart disease fighting, g-tube wearing 4 year old. We began our journey as best friends years ago and after all life has handed us, we decided to start together. Join us as we share our experiences as mothers of children who battle life threatening diseases without losing our sense of humor and personality. As friends, women and mothers, we'll give you strength and motivation to push on. It's our passion to empower you to be a voice for both yourself and little one.

Look beyond the Labels for What You Don’t See

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three kids sitting on parents' laps smiling

I’ve always said that labeling someone with high- or low-functioning autism, or any disability for that matter, isn’t ever truly accurate. You may see an extremely smart girl who seems “normal” but you don’t see everything. You don’t see how the noises hurt her ears. You don’t see how the bright lights hurt her eyes. You don’t see how hard she struggles to fit in. You don’t see how she struggles to understand the social cues. You don’t see how seriously she takes what you say even if you’re joking. You don’t see the struggles when she’s having an overwhelming...

Keep Reading

When You Look Back on These Pictures, I Hope You Feel My Love

In: Kids, Motherhood
Four kids playing in snow, color photo

I document your life in pictures. I do it for you. I do it for me. I do it because I want you to know I lived every memory. And loved every moment. When you go back through the thousands of moments, I hope it sparks something deep inside of you. Something that perhaps your heart and mind had forgotten until that moment. And I hope that it makes you smile.  I hope the memories flood and you remember how much each moment was cherished.  I hope each giggle and secret that was shared with your sisters at that moment sparks...

Keep Reading

For the Parents of the Kids Who Don’t Fit the Mold

In: Kids, Motherhood
mom hugging her daughter

This one is for the parents of the kids who don’t fit the mold. I see you holding your kid together with nothing but love and a prayer as they cry or feel defeated and you wish the world would see your kid like you do. I see you wiping away their tears after they were yet again passed over for all the awards and accolades. There is no award for showing up for school despite crippling anxiety or remembering to write down assignments for the first year ever. So they had to sit clapping again for friends whose accomplishments...

Keep Reading

Let Your Kids See You Try and Fail

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter sitting on floor knitting together

Let your kids see you try and fail at something. That’s what I did today!  My daughter wanted to take a knitting class together. I said sure, naively thinking the skill would come pretty naturally. I’m usually good at things like this.  Guess what? It didn’t. Although she picked it up easily and was basically a knitting pro within five minutes, the teacher kept correcting me, saying, “No, UNDER! You need to go UNDER, not OVER.” She was kind enough, but it just wasn’t clicking. I started to get frustrated with myself. I normally take things like this in stride...

Keep Reading

My Kids Don’t Like to Read, but They Do Love to Learn

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two children reading with each other, color photo

I fell in love with books during a war while my kids lost interest in reading during COVID. Between 1975 and 1990 during the Civil War in Lebanon, my mom, an avid reader, was determined to make me one despite many odds. Once every few weeks, starting when I was about 10, she and I would make the half-hour trek by foot from our apartment in Beirut to a place we called the “book cave.” It was a nondescript space—about 15 by 20 square feet—tucked in the basement of a dilapidated building. Inside, it housed hundreds of books in various...

Keep Reading

Dear Teachers, Thank You Will Never Be Enough

In: Kids, Living
Kids hugging teacher

Growing up a teacher’s daughter has given me a lifetime of appreciation for educators. Of course, it’s true; I may be biased. I’ve been fortunate to have learned and been guided by many outstanding teachers, including my mother and grandmother, who passed those legacy skills onto my daughter, who strongly feels teaching is her calling. But if you’ve had your eyes and ears open in recent years, you, too, probably feel deep gratitude for the angels among us who work in the school system. So, as the school year ends, and on behalf of parents, grandparents, and anyone who loves...

Keep Reading

Before You, Boy, I Never Knew

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three boys playing in creek, color photo

Before you, boy, I never knew that little boys could get so dirty. Play so rough. Climb so high. Assess your risks. Make me hold my breath. Messes everywhere.   Before you, boy, I never knew how much my lap will make room for you. My arms will stretch to swallow you up in endless hugs and just hold you close. And love you to the moon and back. And back again. Snuggling and snuggling.  RELATED: I Met a Boy and He Changed Everything Before you, boy, I never knew that there would be so much wrestling. And superheroes, and far-off...

Keep Reading

It Hurts Seeing My Kid as a B-List Friend

In: Friendship, Kids, Teen
Teen girl sitting alone on a dock

Kids everywhere are celebrating, or will be celebrating soon. They will be playing outside, enjoying warm summer days, bike rides with friends, and maybe even sleepovers. It’s summer—it’s fun, right? Sure, it is. And sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it isn’t fun for the kids you least expect it from. We have that issue, and I knew it was building for the past few weeks with our teenage daughter. She was moody (moodier than normal). Short tempered. Obviously frustrated, but not ready to talk about it. But it was when she came home on the last day of school, in tears,...

Keep Reading

Dear Hunter’s Mom, What I Really Want to Say

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding toddler boy, color photo

Hi, I’m Krystal. I’ve wanted to say that every Tuesday and Thursday when I see you in the preschool hallway. I don’t know why I never say it. It might be because I’m afraid to. Maybe you just want to get the drop-off over with and get out of there. I get it. Hunter is crying . . . hard. People are looking . . . they always look. Your face is flushed, your jacket twisted. You are caught between trying to do what you are supposed to do and what you want to do. I can tell. I know...

Keep Reading

5 Money Tips to Set Your Kids Up for a Strong Financial Future

In: Grown Children, Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Father putting quarters in child's hand

As parents, we want to see our children become independent, but the transition to financial independence has unique challenges. I get it. I have three children of my own, and each of them deals with money differently. The transition can be especially difficult if you are a family that doesn’t talk openly about money. Regardless of whether money has been an open topic in the past, as your high school graduate moves on to the next chapter in their life, it’s important to help them start thinking about their financial future. College tuition, rent, and other expenses can be overwhelming...

Keep Reading