Even if you don’t need a nap, I do.
You talk enough for the both of us.
Feed me the best way you know how, because I like dirt.
I love you so much because you taught me what true love is.
Sometimes I need to be alone, but I always need to know you are there.
You can never pet me enough.
If I mess up, trust me that I am sorry, but that doesn’t mean I will not do it again.
Please don’t make me wear ridiculous outfits.
When you speak to me nicely, I wag my tail for a reason.
Yes I touch myself. It’s an instinct.
If you patiently teach me how, I will try hard to learn.
Yes, I’m hairy and my ears aren’t perfect but I know you think I’m gorgeous. Thank you.
I really like your underwear, especially the kind that rides up your butt crack.
When we sleep together, I will want to snuggle, snore loudly and with a paw in your face. Don’t wake me I’m comfortable like that.