Hey little man,

I love you, sweet boy. Always have. Always will.

In losing your physical presence, I have had to learn to love and connect to you in a different way. 

As humans, we were designed to be unifiedbody and soul. The world is right when that’s how it is.

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Now that our physical natures are separated, that physical part of me still longs for the world to be right againto be able to have you, to hold you, to see your smile light up a room . . . and until the world is right again, I’m sure I will never get used to not having your physical presence here.

But now I understand that we are often so caught up here, in the physical, that we forget to look beyond. Beyond to what is less concrete but more real. To what is less obvious but more important. You have been able to open my eyes to that and direct my attention to new places.

While the physical part of my being is always missing you, the spiritual part of my being grows in connection to you. 

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There is great comfort in knowing you are always just an intentional moment away from me. Now that you exist outside of time, you are present to me at all times, and all it takes for us to connect is for me to pause to be present to you. 

Thank you for showing me that it’s still possible to love you now, just as much as I loved you when you were here. 

Thank you for your presence, your guidance, your nudging. Thank you for letting me know you are near. Thank you for being the brother who can protect and have the backs of your siblings at any time and any place. I hope they can sense your presence too.

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I love you forever and always—here on earth and all the way to Heaven.

Until my next pause,
Mama

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

Brianne Edwards

Brianne Edwards writes about her grief experience with vulnerability and truth as she strives toward living a wholehearted life after the death of her son. She is a wife, a mother of 6, and is the founder of Lach's Legacy, a South Dakota nonprofit working in the fight against SIDS.