Sister, we haven’t talked in a while. We both know the reason why. Yet again, you had a choice between your family and drugs, and you chose the latter. I want you to know I still don’t hate you. What I do hate is the drugs you always seem to go back to once things get too hard for you.

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Speaking of hard, I won’t sugarcoat the fact that being around you when you’re actively using is so hard. Your anger, your manipulation, and your deceit are too much for me (or anyone around you) to bear most of the time. But I can only imagine what being around yourself as an addict must feel like. I truly think the person who hates you the most is yourself.

Luckily, there are two people who still love you unconditionally, my niece and nephew. I want you to know they still ask about you all the time. We just tell them that you’re sick and taking some time away to get better, not explaining to them that your sickness is a decision you actively choose over them.

I wonder sometimes what you think about each time before you shoot up. If my niece and nephew ever cross your mind.

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Sometimes I also think about how 5 years ago you were the mom who was worried my 3-year-old nephew might choke on too-big marshmallows. That same sister now seems unconcerned with the fact that her children might come in contact with her used heroin needles.

But I know my sister is still in there. Somewhere.