By Tia Norris 
There is a trend on social media right now with the topic of breaking generational norms/curses. Hot topics ranging from spankings to losing our temper to everything in between that are now labeled as “curses.” While I appreciate the concept of wanting to do better than the generation before us and wanting more for our kids, (after all, that is how we grow as a society) I do feel like there’s been a lot of negative speech surrounding our parents past mistakes, and with so much focus on all the negative things we don’t want to repeat, I want to shift the focus to a different perspective. The perspective of our parents and all the things they did right.
Now that I’m a mom, I get it. I know what it feels like to be young, inexperienced, and wanting to give everything to your kids but at times, falling short. I lose my temper over having to repeat myself a thousand times a day. I impatiently wait for kids to get out the door when we’re in a hurry. I fuss when their rooms are dirty or when they leave shoes everywhere even though they know where they go. And I have two boys, so of course the bathroom situation drives me insane.
The thing is, though, the older I get, the more I see things through my parents’ eyes. They too have had all these same experiences. They have walked my exact path. They lost their temper, got frustrated, and lost patience, but it didn’t mean they loved my sister and me any less. I now look at my parents with so much grace and empathy.
My parents were not perfect. At times I did feel the sting of not feeling heard or not feeling like they were giving me enough of themselves. But in reality, they were giving me everything they could while still trying to maintain their own sense of self. They had to navigate the murky waters of parenting and the constant wars within themselves to determine if they were doing this right. Are we screwing them up? Are we setting them up for a lifetime of failure or will they succeed? Are they happy? Am I happy? All the same questions I ask myself every day. I understand now.
For every thing I thought I saw they were doing wrong, there were a million other good things I saw. I saw resilience and strength, hard work ethic, compassion, faith, and most of all, I saw love. Through their own mistakes, they taught us about making smart financial decisions. They taught us what it means to love in “sickness and in health.” They loved us despite our mistakes and flaws and no matter how much we didn’t want to listen or pushed them away, they still loved us fiercely and unconditionally. These are the things I want my kids to see from my husband and me. Not all of the mistakes we’ve made along the way.
When my kids grow up, I want them to see how hard we tried. That as much as we fought with them, we fought so much harder for them. I want them to look back and see how two imperfect people loved them in the best way possible.
Originally published on the author’s Facebook page
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