I’m not a perfect mom. In fact, I’m not a perfect anything. I’m flawed, I’m human, and I make mistakes. I get it wrong sometimes, I say the wrong thing and occasionally lose my temper.
I’m not the mom who does arts and crafts or fun projects. I don’t often do a lot of cooking or baking when I let you come in the kitchen and help. We don’t do lots of fun, extravagant, Instagram-worthy things.
But I love you with everything I have. When I mess up, I own up to it. I always come to talk to you, apologize when necessary, and show you that even I make mistakes and that it’s all part of life but that what really matters is what you do with that.
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Do you take responsibility for your words and actions? Do you work to right a wrong? Do you change course when you’re going down the wrong path? These are the lessons in life that I want you to learn.
We may not have the life filled with activities and full schedules and all the things. I’m just not that person. But that gives us so much more time to live in the moment and enjoy our lives.
You are just kids after all. One day you’ll grow up and have jobs and spouses and kids of your own, and you’ll find you miss the carefree days of freedom from your childhood. So I want to give you as much time as possible to stay kids and just enjoy your childhood years.
You may not understand right now, but as you get older, you may start to learn that you are different. That our family is different.
We are a special needs family.
So I can’t say for sure what your future will look like. I don’t know if you’ll get a job, get married, or have kids. You may get there someday, or you may not.
Be that as it may, it doesn’t change how I feel one bit, and I still hope you learn the right lessons and soak up every bit of childhood that you can.
So while I never would have been the mom to do all the things mentioned before, that means our time is spent not running for activities and lessons and games, but rather for appointments and therapies and services.
Our days are mostly spent at home because going out is not an easy feat for us, and home is where you are most comfortable. We do our best to have family time together, but with sensory and auditory issues, lack of understanding for safety, aggression problems, and meltdowns, it can be difficult to have meaningful family time or do things outside our home.
Our life may look different for many reasons. But one thing we have, that not everyone does, is how much love is in our home.
I make sure to tell you I love you as often as I possibly can. At the end of a conversation, after you’ve been hurt and I console your tears, after you’ve gotten into trouble and had to sit in time out, after I’ve messed up and said or done the wrong thing, before bed, in the morning, whenever one of us leaves. There is no shortage of love in this home.
I will never be perfect. I will make a lot of mistakes along the way—I’m still learning and doing everything I can to be the mom you need me to be. But my love for you will always be stronger than anything else, and I hope you always know how loved you are.