Our long day has come to an end. You cry and cry, desperately trying to evade that inevitable sleep. Oh how badly I wish that you would drift off to sleep. I rock you and I bounce you with no prevail. Why won’t you sleep? I feed you and I change you, but still, you will not sleep.
I pace the floor, holding you in my arms. Time is passing us by and the night is growing shorter. Just when it seems that there will be no end, finally your eyes begin to droop. Your muscles become heavy and your small body limp, as you float off into your own wonderland.
I had prayed for this moment all night, but now that it is finally here, I don’t want to put you down. I hold you a bit longer and smell your sweet head. I play with your tiny hands and pat your little bottom. Your little feet are dangling and your toes twitch as you dream. You are so warm and cozy.
Oh how I wish to hold you in my arms forever. I wish to keep you safe always. Oh, my sweet little babe, so new and innocent. I whisper into your ear:
“I pinky promise to be a good mom.” I will not succeed—I will make mistakes, but just know that I did my best.
“I pinky promise to always keep you safe.” I will not succeed—you will stumble, and you will fall, but I will be there to pick you up again.
“I pinky promise to be your best friend.” I will not succeed—at times you will hate me, but just know that I did what was best.
“I pinky promise to save you from heartbreak.” I will not succeed—some boy will come and shatter your heart into a million pieces, but I will be there to wipe your tears and hold you tight.
“I pinky promise to protect you from this cruel world.” I will not succeed—you will live your life and there will be bumps in the road, but I will show you how to pull through.
“I pinky promise to always be close to you.” I will not succeed—someday you will move away from home, but I will only be a phone call away.
“I pinky promise to make sure you always have what you need.” I will not succeed—sometime you will need something I can’t give you, but I will show you where to find it.
“I pinky promise to always be here for you.” I will not succeed—one day I will leave this world and you with it, but I will always be in your heart.
There is one promise I will always keep: I will always love you with all of my being. You are my child, the light of my life, my one true love. I will do the best I can. I may not know everything, but this I am sure of—you will always be my baby.
I lay you down to sleep in your crib. Suddenly, I’m not tired anymore. I just watch you as you sleep. You are so small, so sweet, so perfect. Minutes go by and I realize just how late it really is. I am sure that you will be up again soon.
I should really sleep now. I know that you are safe. Your breath is steady and you are sleeping soundly. I whisper to you one last time as I crawl into bed and lay down my head.
“Goodnight, my love. I will be here when you wake, I pinky promise.”
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