I Was a Really Good Liar, But I Finally Got Caught

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The following is a mere sampling of my best work as an accomplished liar:

I’m just gonna have one more.
This will last forever.
This will not last.
This doesn’t count.
I can’t.
I should.
I shouldn’t.
I need that.
This doesn’t matter.
I don’t know what to do.
I have to finish this because I started it.
This will make them like me.
I’m not worthy.
I owe them.
I don’t have a choice.
I can’t tell anyone.
I’m not good enough.
Nobody will understand.
That will never happen to me.
No one cares.
I won’t survive this.
It’s about me.
I don’t fit in.
I’m in control of this.
I can’t change.
I need to change.
What they think matters.
I don’t belong.
I won’t be able to make a difference.
I’m the only one.

That was not even close to an exhaustive list.

And, wow, I am such a liar. And a really good one apparently, because I’ve truly believed a good number of those lies. And the not-so-believable lies, they at least tripped me up and gave me pause.

I’ve told the differing lies to myself at times based on my circumstances, my age, my maturity level, my ability to face the hard in life at the time it presented itself and the rate at which wisdom and truth have seeped into me over the years.

The older I grow, the more maturity I acquire, the more pain I muddle through, the grittier I get and the wiser become; the more readily I recognize the lies I’ve told for what they are, as well as the truth that sets me free of them.

My truth is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves me exactly as I am.

My truth is I am both enough and not enough at the same time. God designed me that way on purpose so I’ll recognize His great love for me and my great need for Him at the same time. He’s not finished with me yet and needs me to pay attention.

My truth is I belong here but only for a short time, as this world is not my permanent home.

My truth is I’m going to suffer while I’m here, but the same God that created me can use everything that happens to me for good, according to His purpose. And so there’s joy for me here too.

My truth is I can do all things through my God who strengthens me.

The truth is love is the way, the truth, and the light and it’s never not going to be.

The truth is I am loved and I love; how I was, how I am and how I will be.

The truth is I don’t need to earn that love, as true love will be given to me freely.

Nothing on this earth is going to change any of the above. No lie. No darkness. No doubt. No misdeed. No sin. No hurt. No mistake. No pain. Nothing.

And that’s the truth that sets me free from all the lies.

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Jodie Utter

Jodie Utter is a freelance writer & creator of the blog, Utter Imperfection. She calls the Pacific Northwest home and shares it with her husband and two children. As an awkward dancer who’s tired of making dinner and can’t stay awake past nine, she flings her life wide open and tells her stories to connect pain to pain and struggle to struggle in hopes others will feel less alone inside their own stories and more at home in their hearts, minds, and relationships. You can connect with her on her blog, Utter Imperfection and on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

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