When a mother says no, she means no.

Why is it when a doctor, teacher, coach, or even a gardener tells people not to do something, they listen?

But when a mom voices a no or a suggestion that’s not in line with yours, it’s disregarded.

(Seriously, I need to know why.)

Our opinions, preferences, and wishes regarding OUR children need to be listened to. And abided by.

RELATED: It’s Lonely Being the Mom Who Says No

“No, thank you” or “not today” does not mean . . . 

Do it when Mom isn’t looking . . .

Do it anyway right in front of her . . . 

Nor does it mean shame her for her choice . . . 

No also doesn’t mean maybe. It means NO.

Quite a simple matter that some friends and family can’t seem to grasp. One that adds to my already heavy anxiety load.

For instance, when a family member comes full force over to my son with brownies or ice cream, and I politely say, “Hey those look great but please don’t offer them to him.” This shouldn’t even be a problem. Parents, especially mothers, have their reasons why they express a no. It isn’t to be rude. It isn’t to be controlling either. My son has a milk-protein allergy. Yes, a little bit does hurt. Please don’t insist on giving him dairy.

Even if he didn’t have an allergy, it’s almost nap time and I don’t want to deal with an overtired 2-year-old pent up on sugar resisting his scheduled sleep. Unless you’re offering to babysit a strung-out 2-year-old?

RELATED: I Love You Enough to Say No, So You Can Say Yes to the Right Things

Perhaps he just had something sweet.

Or maybe it’s just a no because it’s tempting to give in to his every desire, but we’re trying to lay the groundwork for him not getting his every way.

I don’t even need a reason as a parent. It’s my choice.

But it’s worth noting that discipline is hard to achieve when it’s only done in waves or has no follow-through.

No sleepover tonight (my son has separation anxiety). No, we’re not going to the movies today, we have other plans. No, we aren’t hugging at the moment. No, he doesn’t need another tablet. No, we aren’t attending that event today, mommy is overstimulated and can’t handle more stress at the moment.

If you’re bent out of shape and need an explanation, I can offer that. But negotiation isn’t on the table. Maybe we can’t afford to participate and don’t want to be embarrassed. There are so many reasons that should be taken into consideration.

So here is my unpopular opinion: You need to listen to a parent’s wishes.

Pushing boundaries with a parent does more harm than good. It pushes the mother into a state of distress and pushes her further away from you. She will feel disrespected, micromanaged, and overruled. It makes us feel small. It makes us feel unseen and quite frankly it makes us question our parenting choices.

RELATED: As a Mom, Sometimes I Say No When My Heart Longs to Say Yes

I’m a mother, I’m in charge, and my no is final.

No isn’t meant to be received disrespectfully or to make you feel pushback or insulted because we love you and value your wants and wishes, but when it comes to our children, please, listen to us. There’s a reason behind the no.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jennifer Bailey

Stay at home mom enjoying one little boy and navigating parenting one trip to Target at a time.

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

You May Be a Big Brother, but You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with young son, color photo

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. Back then, we were new parents, clueless but full of love—a love that words can hardly explain. I can vividly recall holding you in my arms, rocking you in the cutest nursery, and singing sweet lullabies, just like yesterday. I can picture those times when you were teeny-tiny, doing tummy time, and how proud I was of you for lifting your head. And oh, the happiness on your face when “Baby Shark” played over and over—that song always made you smile! We made sure to capture your growth...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

5 Things Your Child’s Kindergarten Teacher Wants You To Know

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child raising hand in kindergarten class

I am a teacher. I have committed my life to teaching children. Of course, before I began this career, I had visions of standing in front of a group of eager-eyed children and elaborating on history, science, and math lessons. I couldn’t wait to see the “lightbulb” moments when students finally understood a reading passage or wrote their first paper. And then I had my first day. Children are not cut out of a textbook (shocking, I know) but as a young 23-year-old, it knocked me right off my feet. I was thrown into the lion’s den, better known as...

Keep Reading