When I turned 40, I told myself I would start journaling again.
That was three years ago.
Not a single entry has been written. Unless you count those I’ve “produced” in my mind.
I have SUCH good intentions. I really do. Pinterest certainly doesn’t help. If I could keep up with all of my intentions, I’d surely garner some sort of award. Wouldn’t we all! When my two older girls were younger, I wrote yearly letters to them on their birthdays. That stopped several ago too, when daughter number three entered the world. And NO, that poor girl doesn’t have a baby book, so to speak.
Life gets in the way – in a wonderful way! My husband and I are busy raising three very active girls. Our oldest will turn sixteen this summer. Sixteen is just plain scary, and wonderful all at once. Lucky for us, she’s taking it easy on us. Our middle daughter just turned thirteen, and is ready to grab a hold of every minute! She has dreams that make our heads spin sometimes. And our unexpected blessing is every bit of six – going on 26. After all, she’s got a lot to aspire towards. But I don’t doubt for a minute that she’ll blaze her very own trail. Consequently, nothing is more important to their dad and me, than whatever they want to do (within our realm of reality). Our time is now their time. Like any parent, we spend our days trying to fit in their activities and balance a “good life.”
As a result, I’ve justified my lack of journaling and just about any other thing I lack in, by saying, I’m too busy “living.” My middle daughter told me not too long ago, that if there were 20 hours in day, she’d fill them all up! Me too kid – me too. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to “live each day to the fullest” AND be able to alphabetically organize my thousands of pictures, or create a file system of my girls’ school work through the years! (Curse you Pinterest!!) But let’s be honest…that’s not realistic.
The problem with wanting to live so much, is that by doing so, you create so many more memories, right? You want to remember them forever. I worry my mind won’t always carry these days with me, so I revert back to my “journaling” ambition. Someday.
Someday I’ll have time. But will I remember?
At the risk of getting too “deep” here, I should say, getting older does make you more sentimental. Yet another reason I want to write everything down, hold onto everything and document every moment. But turning 40 also gave me perspective. I suppose each passing decade has the same effect, in varying ways. I know I’ll always stay busy making memories. And I will still WANT to journal. Just like I WANT to be more organized and find just what I want, when I want it. But is it really necessary to beat myself up over a dumb piece of documentation? My family just needs to me to be present. They need me to be in the here and now, along with them. The filing system will wait.
Because time is fleeting.
Life is good.
And I’m too busy living!