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I obsess about him during the day while I’m at work and relive the sweet moment we shared the night before. I have trouble concentrating because his face and smile fill my mind. His smell is even intoxicating. I stare at the photo of us from last weekend and daydream about what we will do together this weekend. The last time I felt like this was when my husband and I first started dating. This time around though, it’s my son who has me head over heels and starry eyed.

I knew I would love him but not in this way. Infatuation has taken hold and I don’t think I was completely prepared for the feelings that would come after my son was born.

I’ll admit anxiety and nerves took over during our first few initial encounters together. Five months in and we’re at that sweet spot. We know each other well enough to be comfortable and in a routine but every new experience is exciting. I naively thought these feelings were only for early relationships and dating; however, I’m embarking on similar feelings just five months into motherhood with my son.

Here’s how the infatuation of early motherhood compares to the infatuation of early marriage. 

  1. No matter how much time we spend together, as soon as he is away I miss him.

I need time away from my baby but as soon as he is gone I miss him, even if it’s a ridiculously short period of time. How can you miss another human being when they are only gone for an hour? For me, the irrational ability to miss someone who you have just been with for 48 hours straight is now a reality.

  1. I bring him up randomly in conversations with co-workers and friends.

“Oh you went to the zoo this past weekend. That’s cool. I’ve wanted to take my baby to the zoo because he just loves looking at animals.” Like any love-crazed school girl, I find random and unnecessary ways to bring up my son in the middle of conversations.

  1. I take a considerable number of selfies with the two of us together.

My phone is jam packed with dozens of pictures of the two of us together. Wanting to capture every moment and memory of the two of us, I have become a selfie addict and I’m not afraid to show it. Not only does he populate my phone, but he has also taken over my Facebook and Instagram feed as well.

  1. I daydream about the future a lot more than normal.

As with any new relationship, your visions and dreams for the future change once this new person enters your life. Before my husband, it was only me. After he came along, my future vision shifted to accommodate him into my life. New dreams and possibilities popped up on the horizon. Now with our son here, this future is once again shifting and the future has never looked brighter.

I realize this infatuation with my son will probably change in the future, as it did with my husband. My love for him won’t waver but it will mature. For now though, I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience all the ‘feels’ with this new little human who has stolen my heart.

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Sarah Sheridan

Sarah Sheridan is a Digital Marketing and PR professional by day and a ninja by night. Her ninja skills include performing household chores in complete silence, eating food in a matter of seconds, and opening doors before the mailman can ring the bell. These are all skills she has mastered in order to be a productive adult and maintain a naptime schedule for her baby boy. As a first-time mom, she is learning the ropes of parenting one day at a time.

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