Our fall favorites are here! 🍂

Like Leroy Jethro Gibbs, I have rules. Rules that I believe make my world more peaceful, my relationships more fulfilling, my marriage stronger, and my day-to-day easier. My number one rule is that while my husband may have faults, the world should never learn about them from me. 

I’m not even going to give you an example. Isn’t that how these “love your spouse” posts always start out? The blogger says, “Look, ladies, I know your husband is a pain! Mine is! He does THIS! Here’s how you love him anyway/change him/deal with it…” I’m not going to do that. 

Maybe your husband does have serious issues, like the kind that he and/or you need to see a counselor to work out. 

Maybe his flaws are minor, silly, inconsequential, but they drive.you.crazy. Folks, if these issues are little like that, my recommendation is to look into your own reaction to them. Is there something in your past or your personality that amplifies a little quirk into a major annoyance? Sometimes dissecting your own reaction to a behavior makes it easier to live with that behavior, or can help you address it with your spouse.

Either way, broadcasting your husband’s faults is rarely the best way to deal with them. And it is certainly not the best way to build a strong marriage.

I’m amazed at how many people are perfectly willing to demean their spouses. I’ve read blog posts by writers I respected talking about how their husbands are lazy, less-than-intelligent, clueless about parenting, etc. And blogs are very public! That’s to say nothing of the slightly (ONLY slightly) less-public trashing I see happening in “closed” mom groups on Facebook, or between a couple of friends. It makes me sad. 

One of my responsibilities as a wife is to build up and encourage my husband. Before I get any “BUT BUT BUT”s flying my way, building me up is one of his jobs, too. That’s why we promised in our vows to honor and respect, comfort and encourage. I feel that if anyone read something I wrote, or heard something I said, and lost even the tiniest bit of respect for my husband, I would have failed to keep those vows.

Proverbs 17:9 states that “he who conceals a transgression seeks love; but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.” From the context, I don’t believe this refers to concealing crime, but rather advises against gossip because of its ability to destroy relationships. Of all the relationships to risk destroying, is your marriage worth the vent? 

Especially for those of us with blogs, we need to remember that we are in some ways public figures. Many of us have our real, full names associated with our own blogs or with blogs we contribute to, and mention our husbands by name. That means that when we demean them in print, it isn’t just in an anonymous kind of way, and it’s not just to a tiny audience. We never know when we may go viral, and many of us are constantly working toward that as a goal. What happens if our husbands’ bosses (or maybe worse –potential bosses) read things we’ve said that could call into question their qualifications or employability? What about their friends, or the wives of their friends? What if something I said hurt him socially? I’d hate to think that a small quirk that I couldn’t accept led me to gossip about my husband in a place where someone read it and decided that they no longer cared to be friends with him. 

Mostly, I’d hate for someone to read something about him and decide that he’s a bad husband (he isn’t), that he doesn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated (he’s better than anyone could deserve), and that I must be in an unhappy marriage (I most certainly am not!). Because when I read blog posts in which the bloggers bash their husbands, even if they attempt to bring it back around to choosing to love a flawed spouse or some such feel-good resolution, I feel sorry for them or I feel sorry for the husband. And that’s not a takeaway I ever want anyone to find in a conversation with me, whether it be in person or through my blog. 

So, fellow bloggers, fellow wives… let’s think twice about the things that come out of our mouths or flow from our keyboards. As the Ephesians were admonished, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (4:29).

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Katie Hodge

Katie Hodge is the slightly overwhelmed and completely smitten momma of toddler twins, after a 5-year struggle with infertility, countless heartbroken prayers, and 2 rounds of IVF. She is married to a wonderful, handsome fella who keeps her grounded and laughing. She holds an M.Ed and state licensure in school counseling (any other INFJs in the house!?), but her background also includes education in sociology, criminology, and law enforcement, giving her a unique view on society and motivations. Her blog – http://www.alwayskatie.com/ – is a lifestyle blog including DIY, recipes, and reflections on infertility, pregnancy, parenthood, faith, mental health, and community. She believes that Diet Coke is better than coffee, that everybody should work as a server (or in retail) at least once in their life, and that Han shot first.

All I Could Do Was Make It to Church Today

In: Faith, Motherhood
Close up of man holding baby in his arms in church pew with kids in background

All I can do is make it to church today. It was the final thought that shut the door on all the other thoughts this morning. The thoughts that said I don’t look good enough. I should put on makeup. I should wear something nicer. I should find a way to paint my nails without them getting smudged up from holding a baby before they dry. The thoughts that said I am not doing good enough. I should have made supper last night. I shouldn’t have used that glass pan that shattered in the oven while trying to steam bake...

Keep Reading

It’s Time to Talk about the Crushing Weight of Motherhood

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and three children, color photo

As millennial women and mothers, we have been making waves in the sea of mental health. We have unashamedly and unapologetically shared our postpartum depression and anxiety stories so that future generations won’t feel as though they’re drowning in the weight of it all.  I remember sitting in my living room, staring at my newborn, crying in frustration and fear that I was already failing him.  I remember the pain of trying to use the bathroom for the first time after labor, to have family suddenly stop by, and feeling so embarrassed I screamed and they left, ultimately leaving me...

Keep Reading

Kids Need Grace and So Do Their Moms

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Woman touching child's forehead

We were having a hard morning. Our house was overrun with toys, I hadn’t had a chance to get dressed, and my stress level was increasing by the minute. To top it all off, my 3-year-old was having a meltdown anytime I spoke to her. Even looking in her general direction was a grave mistake. It was one of those days that as a parent, you know you’re really in for it. I was quickly losing my patience. My frustration began to ooze out of me. I snapped orders, stomped around, and my attitude quite clearly was not pleasant to...

Keep Reading

A Mother Doesn’t Have to Be Prepared to Be Sustained

In: Baby, Faith, Motherhood
Mother cuddling baby on a bed

I feel the warmth radiating from my weeks-old baby girl’s body onto my lap. She sleeps soundly. But I can’t. My jaw is clenched, my forehead is wrinkled, my body is tense. I’ve been in complete survival mode. Our baby girl unexpectedly made her appearance one month early due to some placental deficiencies and was born at three and a half pounds. I wasn’t prepared.  When I saw my sweet girl, my heart was instantly taken over by immense love and immense fear. Fear grabbing me with every thought, every breath. I wasn’t prepared.  She spent some time in the NICU but not...

Keep Reading

A Love That Will Never Leave You

In: Faith, Living
Cover art of book Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons

My firstborn spent a semester abroad in his junior year of college. Like any mom who’s separated from her child, I knew the exact distance between him and me those months he was away. It felt like a million miles, but it was actually only 4,533, including one very large body of water. While he was away, we weren’t even on the same continent, and truthfully, I hadn’t expected the ache to be so overwhelming. Thankfully, our weekly chats on video eased the sadness and served to remind me that, in spite of miles and time zones, there was no...

Keep Reading

I’ll Always Be the One Who Loved Them First

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Family with three small boys standing in kitchen, color photo

I’m no longer the last person he says goodnight to. That’s a hard pill to swallow. Here we are, just raising these boys, hoping and praying things over their futures, watching them grow, teaching them independence and other life skills, hoping they have heard the things we have said, and praying they make our faith their faith and choose to follow Jesus. And then, just like that, without any warning, without asking my permission, there is someone special in his life. Someone he spends hours on the phone with. Someone he wants to spend his time with. Someone who isn’t...

Keep Reading

Thank You God for Everyday Heroes

In: Faith, Living
Firefighter in gear walking, black-and-white photo

Tonight, our family watched a movie together. It was an action-adventure movie where, against unbelievable odds, the good guy saves the day. At some point during the movie, I turned to my husband, and said, “You’re that guy—the guy that is good in a crisis, who saves the day.” Once, when my husband and I were out for dinner, a woman seated near us fainted and was lying on the floor. The waiters and waitresses ran to her aid but didn’t know what to do. My husband is a firefighter/EMT. He had gone outside to grab a sweater, and when...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, about That Other 4-Letter Word

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Portrait of a beautiful little girl in blue shirt

As my kindergartner came bounding through the door back from the park, she seemed ecstatic to tell me all about her adventure, but what came from her sweet mouth was not the usual tale of making friends or playing make-believe. Instead, she stared up at me and said, “A little boy called me ugly.”  As I tried to assess her thoughts on the matter, her big brother was quickly confirming the story and acknowledging to me that it was not a very nice thing to say. As I looked at my husband coming in the door behind them, I could...

Keep Reading

Let Them Have a Bad Day, and Other Wisdom on Raising Teens

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom comforting teen girl with head in hands

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I have nearly four teens now, and I’ve learned a lot the hard way. I see other parents around me who are just getting to that stage make the same mistakes I did, so I want to share what I’ve learned:   If you want to teach your kids to walk in the way of God, you better not leave out teaching them about forgiveness. That’s a big deal to God. It’s pretty central. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and the heaviness that comes when you have teenagers, and they...

Keep Reading

My Baby is Going to Kindergarten and God Will Go With Him

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Little boy with green backpack walking to school

My baby is going to kindergarten, and I am not going to cry. Yep, you read that right.  My blessing baby (aka surprise addition) is going to kindergarten in seven days, and I am not a weepy crying mess. My kind quiet 10-year-old is starting his last year of elementary school, and I am not going to cry about that either.  And my firstborn—the tiny, five-pound baby girl who made me a momma—will be in eighth grade. Her last year of middle school before high school. It all seems like big changes and big moments. But I am not going...

Keep Reading