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I am a boy mom. I live in a world of Rescue Bots, innumerable toy vehicles, and pee on the edge of the toilet seat. My boys are wild, constantly on-the-go creatures, and they more than keep me on my toes. (I’m not exaggerating, either. My two-year-old literally just ran into the kitchen, slipped, and managed to get a fat lip as I’m sitting here typing.)

I would never change a thing, though. I love the craziness and laughter they bring to my life every single day.

However, as much as I cherish my boys, my heart also longs for a daughter. In just a few weeks – which will probably inch by – we’ll hopefully get to find out if baby #3 (hooray!) is a girl or boy. We’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that this is likely our last child, so I’m praying for a little pink in my life.

I can’t exactly explain it, but I’ve always felt like I am meant to have a daughter. When I was pregnant with our firstborn, we decided not to find out the gender until he or she was born. Up until the moment he came out, I was absolutely, 100 percent certain I was having a girl. But when they told me he was a boy, I wasn’t a bit disappointed. Not even a little. I was in love, and he was perfect.

Fast forward two years, when we were expecting our second baby. This time around, we decided to find out the gender at our 20-week scan because I felt the need to be more prepared. I was hoping for a girl since we had a boy, but my instincts told me otherwise. And this time, they were right on. Even though I had hoped for a girl, when the tech told us it was definitely a boy, I felt excited. Brothers! Best buds for life. I loved it, and any thoughts of having a girl disappeared for a while.

Now, here we are again. The next one – probably the last one – and the time to find out is getting closer. The closer it gets, the guiltier I feel. I feel guilty for wanting a girl so bad when my boys are so wonderful. Like I said, I wouldn’t change them for anything. Never once have I wished I had girls instead. On the other hand, I also feel guilty for knowing I might be disappointed if we find out this baby is a boy. I hate to even admit that because I know I will love him so, so much and never want to change him. It just might be hard to come to terms with the fact that we may never have a daughter.

Like I’ve had to do so many other times, I need to remind myself to trust in God’s plan for me. Maybe His plan all along is for me to be a boy mom, and if that’s the case, I want to happily accept it instead of feeling like something is missing from my life. I am so blessed to have my kids and to be expecting another. They are healthy, bright, and pretty much just amazing.

And that’s what really matters – not the boy or girl thing, but another healthy, happy child. That’s a pretty awesome thing in and of itself, isn’t it?

Heather Shotkoski

http://www.andwhatalovelymessitis.wordpress.com/ My name is Heather, and I am lucky to be surrounded by handsome men! I have been married to my high school sweetheart for over ten years, and together we have three lovably wild little boys. I grew up in a tiny town near the middle of Nebraska, and after living in the "big city" of Kearney for six years, my husband and I found our way back to the small town life. I am a stay-at-home mom, and each day is definitely a new adventure with three rapidly growing boys. I absolutely love it!

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