Just the Two of Us

It is 4:30 am and I am up again with my precious 8 month old baby boy. Surprise, surprise he is hungry again. This is the second time I have been up with him tonight to eat. When I mention my son wakes up anywhere from one to three times a night, most of the time to nurse, I hear the common phrase “This too shall pass.” However, I don’t want it to pass…yet. I know my last nursing session with my baby is on the horizon.

Our last nursing session is much closer than I planned or wanted. For months I was able to feed my child and comfort him with my body. I felt so much power in these moments. Although I was still nursing, my supply went down after going back to work which resulted in supplementing when necessary. Once I did that my supply slowly diminished even more resulting in more and more formula. I’m in the final leg of my first nursing journey.  

I cry over losing the quiet, still moments of my innocent little boy staring in my eyes while he nurses, his heavy breaths of relaxation, and his ability to slowly drink himself to sleep in my arms. I’m going to miss giggling at him shaking his head back and forth on my t-shirt, his little toes digging into my side, and wiping away his adorable “milk goatee” when he is done. Nursing him is a special time for just the two of us. I’m scared because I don’t know what our “thing” will be in the next stage of his life.

I suspect I maybe have one or two months tops to keep nursing. When I think about it, it will probably be a bigger transition for me than for him. Welcome to mommyhood, those transitions will just keep coming. But until that transition is finally here, I will do what my son does: savor every moment up until the very last drop.