Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

I recently captioned a photo of myself with my daughters, “My sweet little best friends” and I was disheartened when someone commented, “You can’t be their best friend and their mother, they’ll never respect you.”

I wanted to say, “Mind your business Susan,” but instead I simply said, “I have to disagree, there are few people I respect more than my best friend. I respect her viewpoints, I respect her as a confidant, and I even respect her criticisms.” I left the comment section with that and moved on determined not to look back for a rebuttal or to engage more, but there is more, so much more to say and here it is.

I grew up with a mother that was not a friend, to this day as 40 is knocking my door—like that pesky neighbor I don’t like—we are not friends. My mother was the authority figure I desperately tried to overthrow as a kid; my mother was never trusted to hold the secrets of my heart or a confidant to voice my opinions when those were contrary to hers. When a boy broke my heart I never entrusted that to her—the one time I did her only reply was, “I told you he was bad news.” When I felt anxiety over the wilds of adolescent social life she was not my go to, when I felt sadness over lost friendships she was not my shelter, she was not my counselor for the trials and tribulations of my heart, she was not my friend. My mom laid down the law and was the watching eye to ensure I adhered to it, she was the judgment if I misstepped, and she was the one I shielded so many things from because I had no inclination she would ever understand.

Throughout my tweens and teens I did turn to my best friend. My best friend since fifth grade (and still, 26 years later) was the person I sought solace in when trying to navigate the jungle of adolescent years; she is who I confided in when an upcoming test was bugg’n me out (I grew up in the 90s and that is totally the phrase we used). My best friend tended to my wounded heart, she was entrusted with my dreams and passions, and she was the person I sought for all things that were my heart and soul. I respected her opinions even when they were contrary to mine. I sought her advice and took it with confidence. She was my source of emotional support with all that life threw at me (and she still is). I went to my best friend for so many trials and triumphs in my life, all the things I want my daughters to come to me about. I know they may choose to seek shelter in a peer instead of their mom, but I want them to feel like I am in their corner. I want them to feel nothing is off-limits and they can confide in me about anything. I want them to know I am a trusted advisor to anything that encumbers their hearts.

When my girls are questioning their place in this world, I want them to seek me for guidance. When my girls need emotional support I want them to know they can trust their mom to listen and HEAR their needs and desires. I want my girls to know I am their confidante as they get their hearts torn apart by boys, friendships, and all the other trials that growing up tosses at them. I want them to regard me as sympathetic ear. I want them to know I will also be an open source of emotional support and understanding.

I want them to know that yes, I am their mother—but I am also their friend.

You may also like:

I’m Not Your Friend, I’m Your Mother

To My Best Friend, I Love You For Life

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Stacey Tadlock

Stacey Tadlock is working wife, mother, photographer, writer, and cleft and infertility awareness advocate. She is married to her college sweetheart and they have two daughters. Stacey is the writer and creator behind Faithfully Failing where she provides encouragement through scripture and life lessons for those times in life you feel like you are failing in faith, marriage, or motherhood. She hopes through her words women are reminded that no matter your failures God’s grace covers it all. Every day is a new day to glorify Him and a new day to conquer yesterday’s failure with His unyielding grace

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading

Are You Watching?

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Little girl playing goalie at soccer practice, color photo

I brought a book to my 7-year-old daughter’s soccer practice. To be honest, I was looking forward to one hour of time when I didn’t have to do anything but sit. No one would be asking me questions, and no one would need anything from me. I wasn’t in charge. So, I set up my lawn chair, got cozy, and opened the book. But then I happened to glance up as it was her turn to run a drill. The coach was passing each kid the ball for them to kick into the goal. She stepped forward, kicked, and made...

Keep Reading