Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

“I call the backseat!” Pushing my way through the open car door, leaping over the middle seat, I threw myself into the rear-facing third row of our baby blue 1971 station wagon. With less than a second to celebrate my athletic feat, a body landed on top of me.

But, I called it.

“It’s my turn,” my sister declared. “Move!”

A few quick elbows and snarls later, I humbly crawled back to the center row. The bench seat. The dull and ordinary place in the middle. Although, deep down I knew it was her turn.

My little brother, only 13-months younger, sat with his nose pressed against the window adjacent to me, asking hundreds of questions as he gazed out at the world with an insatiable curiosity. My mom patiently explained why the sky was blue and shared how the power lines provided electricity to power the lava lamp in our rec room.

Meanwhile, from the other side, I every-so-often flipped around to glare at the back of my sister’s head. Two years my senior, she was not even looking out the oversized rearview glass. Instead, she focused on the task of completing the Rubrics Cube faster than the last. She had made the front page of the local newspaper, solving it in record time. What a waste of a good view, I mumbled.

Meanwhile, I sat there quietly dreaming of how I was going to make own my mark.

Was there something to the perception of the kid in the middle? I’d heard the stereotypes and birth-order descriptions. Like the oldest is the bossy one and the leader while the youngest is coddled and gets all the attention. Then there’s the poor kid in the middle who often feels overshadowed by the book ends.

Only, despite sometimes losing my preferred seat in the coolest place in the old wagon, I figured out how to turn the middle into the ideal spot.

I mean, I got the benefit of both an older and a younger sib. And in my case, I had a brother and a sister. Most of the times it seemed like a winning position.

Here’s the thing about being a kid in the middle . . . 

I rarely felt left out; instead, I felt like I had more opportunities to try to fit in. When I wanted to do more “grown-up” things, I looked to my older sister. Her ability to solve things taught me how to think analytically and outside the box. The times I wanted to be more of a kid, I opted to hang with my little brother and explore the wonders of childhood. In return, my siblings looked to me like the balance of the in-between.

Having siblings close in age, I had access to other older and younger kids. Through my siblings, I had a greater reach of friends in grades above and below my own. By the time high school rolled around, this became an asset. Whether it was getting advice from an upperclassman or earning the admiration of classmates in the lower grade, my place sandwiched in between siblings felt like a sweet spot.

Being in the middle helped me be brave. I was willing to try new things: riding a bike without training wheels and going off the high dive. Never wanting to be showed-up by my kid brother, I left my comfort zone and emulated the courage of my older sister.

The middle position served as a way to gain a solid foundation. I witnessed my sister navigate certain situations, and I learned from her mistakes, benefiting from her tactics and strategies. Take the way she approached our parents when trying to negotiate earning greater privileges, like a later curfew or getting her driver’s license . . . I observed the dos and do nots and became skilled at presenting a strong case. And when my parents later said yes to my younger brother’s requests for more independence, instead of resenting him, I got to ride on his coattails and tag along.

As an adult, I got to witness my sister becoming a mother and receive all her wisdom. In the middle position, I then got to pay it forward by sharing what I had learned when my brother became a parent.

As a tribe of three, my sibling and I may have possessed some of the typical birth-order traits, but perhaps we viewed those roles as benefits instead of negatives. I felt loved. I felt seen and heard. I didn’t always get my way, but it taught me not to act entitled.

Middle children hold a unique position to mentor the younger sibling while admiring the older one. The middle kids get to try things for themselves without holding the title of the firstborn, testing the waters with the benefit of a safety net.

So, despite not always getting the preferred position in the family Chevy, more often than not being the kid in the middle, I knew someone always had my back. And it turned out to be a pretty good spot.

You may also like:

Siblings Share a Bond For Life

Having Kids Close Together Means They Have Built-in Best Friends For Life

A Tribe Called “Siblings”

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Valli Vida Gideons

I am a military bride, who writes about raising kids with cochlear implants, military life, and other things from the heart. Unrelated but not irrelevant... I have a degree in journalism and wrote my first short story in second grade about a walking/talking sponge; I've been an exercise instructor since my teen years (Flashdance sweatshirts, leg warmers and vinyl records to prove it); and may have been an extra on the vintage 90's hit, Beverly Hills 90210 (proof still found on VHS tapes). I got hypothermia in my first marathon at mile 25.5, but went on to kick butt the next six times I toed the line; I use to cut hair on Melrose Ave. in another life; and I am still besties with my two closest pals from elementary school, who encouraged me to share my story. This is my journey. I hope it provides a sliver of inspiration for anyone who is entering or in the midst of a fog. Follow my journey on Facebook and my blog!

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading

Are You Watching?

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Little girl playing goalie at soccer practice, color photo

I brought a book to my 7-year-old daughter’s soccer practice. To be honest, I was looking forward to one hour of time when I didn’t have to do anything but sit. No one would be asking me questions, and no one would need anything from me. I wasn’t in charge. So, I set up my lawn chair, got cozy, and opened the book. But then I happened to glance up as it was her turn to run a drill. The coach was passing each kid the ball for them to kick into the goal. She stepped forward, kicked, and made...

Keep Reading