I’m behind in the world of movie watching, so we finally rented A Star is Born this weekend.

With tears still streaming down my cheek from feeling Allie’s heartbreak over Jackson, I checked Facebook and saw I had just missed Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper performing a moving duet of their award-winning song “Shallow” at the Oscars.

As I watched the video, I scanned the comments:

“What chemistry!”
“When will she become Lady Cooper?”
“He should leave his wife!”
“But he’s not married. They just live together and have a child.”
“I want them to be a couple!”
“I thought they were going to kiss!”
“The CHEMISTRY!”

And then the memes started showing up:

Bradley Cooper is 100% sleeping on the couch tonight.

Look at her hand. She already felt herself getting pregnant.

What has happened to our society? There is chemistry definitely, but that is a biological reaction, not love. According to a Harvard article, “High levels of dopamine and a related hormone norepinephrine are released during attraction.” This is a response similar to how adrenaline is released during a fight or flight situation.

This is not love.

Love is picking up his underwear daily even though you asked him to put them in the hamper.

Love is holding her hair while she has morning sickness.

Love is rearranging schedules so someone can take care of your baby.

Love is putting your partner’s needs and wants above your own. Love means being supportive of your man, even when it means sitting in the front row watching him sing a duet with a beautiful woman with whom he has “chemistry”.

And these two people are actors. This was not a duet between Allie and Jackson. It was a woman nominated for her acting ability and a man who has won multiple acting awards.

So maybe they do have chemistry. Or maybe, like Katniss and Peeta, their Haymitch told them to play the part even when the game was over. It doesn’t matter. Even real chemistry isn’t real love. I’m rooting for Irina Shayk, Bradley’s girlfriend of four years and mother of his daughter. I’m voting for love, not chemistry.

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Kristi Bose

Kristi Bose teaches English and drama at Southern Valley High School in South Central Nebraska. She and her husband Michael have four boys ages four to fifteen. They live in the country where they raise show pigs, a small cattle herd, and a few goats. She enjoys fishing in the river behind their house, reading, traveling and spending time with her family.

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