I take this Little White Pill. Every morning like clockwork. Not because I am weak. But because I am brave.

I take this Little White Pill. Not because the person in the mirror isn’t enough. But because I want to be the best version of who God made me.

I take this Little White Pill. Not because I believe that God can’t heal my mind if He chooses. But because I believe He gave people the wisdom to make this medicine to help people like me.

I take this Little White Pill. Because I love my husband. I want to be a wife who can stand by my man and give him what he needs, like he is standing by my side and supporting me right now.

I take this Little White Pill. Not because I’m a bad mom, but because I want to be a mom who can love her kids fully. Because I want to be giggling and playing with them on the living room floor more than I am curled up and crying on the closet floor.

I take this Little White Pill. Not because I want to be the person I used to be. But because my mind and my heart are being made new. Postpartum Depression is and always will be a part of my story. And I’ve come to realize that’s OK. It has changed me. I will never be the same.

But. It. Does. Not. Define. Me.

And neither does this Little White Pill.

So this morning, I took my Little White Pill. And I walked out of my bedroom, a little bit stronger than who I was the day before. Thank you Jesus for the grace you have given me in my Little White Pill.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

Author’s note: I originally wrote this post two years ago, and now after being off my little white pill for almost a year, I am back on it again. If you find yourself off your meds and needing to go back on them again, let me remind you that you are NOT a failure. Rather, you are once again taking the steps to becoming the woman God longs for you to be and the woman you deserve to be.

This article originally appeared on From Blacktop to Dirt Road

 

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Lauren Eberspacher

I'm Lauren and I'm a work-in-progress farmer's wife, coffee addict, follower of Jesus and a recovering perfectionist. When I don't have my three kids attached at my hip, you can find me bringing meals into the fields, dancing in my kitchen, making our house a home, and chatting over a piece of pie with my girl friends. I'm doing my best to live my life intentionally seeking all that God has for me and my family. Follow me at: www.fromblacktoptodirtroad.com From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook laurenspach on Instagram