How many times did I drown out the sound of Your voice with the crying of more tears?

How many times did I blindly walk into the wrong decision without looking up to You first?

How many times did I turn away from Your embrace as I turned a wrong corner and into sin?

How many times Lord?

How many times was I too tired and weary to continue? I would forget that You never stop workingYou are always working for me.

How many times did I look at my own children and forget the blessings You’ve given me?

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How many times did I take too much for granted and constantly sought more and was never satisfied?

How many times Lord?

How many times did I look to others and to society before looking to Your Word for all the answers to my deepest longings?

How many times did I fail to see the signs You gave me as I had multiple paths in front of me?

How many times Lord?

Too many to count is all I know.

Too many times I doubted You and questioned whether You existed.

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Too many times I ran from You and into my own selfish desires.

Too many times I was guilty of living less and less like Jesus.

Too many times did I let my sins become feelings of unworthiness which then kept me from You.

But like a child returning home, I am back in Your loving arms.

I have had a lonely and rough journey so far, but that journey has made me stronger. It has molded me into who You intend me to be.

I have grown more faithfully, and I am now ready to serve in whatever You call me to.

I am now ready to listen and live out the purpose You have planned for me.

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I am ready to live more like Christ and spread Your Word and Your greatness.

I will now look to You before I look to others in the decisions of my life.

I will now look at my children and see the beauty of this life You have given me.

And I think You knew this day would come. You knew everything I had to go through would build me up for this, that it would build me up for Your purpose.

I’m here now, Lord, and ready to serve.

And I’m sure you are smiling down on me and saying, “Daughter, I never left you.”

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

Courtney Devich

I am a mom of two little ones (God blessed me with one of each) and a former HR leader turned stay-at-home mom. I write with a heart for the mom struggling with mental illness, but I write about all things motherhood, marriage, and faith on my blog, Her Strength & Dignity. You can usually find me in the Starbucks line at my local Target, watching Fixer Upper, or chasing after a toddler (or two) in my home in Michigan.