Lord, How Many Times Did I Turn Away From You?

Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

How many times did I drown out the sound of Your voice with the crying of more tears?

How many times did I blindly walk into the wrong decision without looking up to You first?

How many times did I turn away from Your embrace as I turned a wrong corner and into sin?

How many times Lord?

How many times was I too tired and weary to continue? I would forget that You never stop working—You are always working for me.

How many times did I look at my own children and forget the blessings You’ve given me?

RELATED: Is Satan Stealing Our Families?

How many times did I take too much for granted and constantly sought more and was never satisfied?

How many times Lord?

How many times did I look to others and to society before looking to Your Word for all the answers to my deepest longings?

How many times did I fail to see the signs You gave me as I had multiple paths in front of me?

How many times Lord?

Too many to count is all I know.

Too many times I doubted You and questioned whether You existed.

RELATED: God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle

Too many times I ran from You and into my own selfish desires.

Too many times I was guilty of living less and less like Jesus.

Too many times did I let my sins become feelings of unworthiness which then kept me from You.

But like a child returning home, I am back in Your loving arms.

I have had a lonely and rough journey so far, but that journey has made me stronger. It has molded me into who You intend me to be.

I have grown more faithfully, and I am now ready to serve in whatever You call me to.

I am now ready to listen and live out the purpose You have planned for me.

RELATED: God is For Me

I am ready to live more like Christ and spread Your Word and Your greatness.

I will now look to You before I look to others in the decisions of my life.

I will now look at my children and see the beauty of this life You have given me.

And I think You knew this day would come. You knew everything I had to go through would build me up for this, that it would build me up for Your purpose.

I’m here now, Lord, and ready to serve.

And I’m sure you are smiling down on me and saying, “Daughter, I never left you.”

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now

So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View Shop

Courtney Devich is the author of "Mama's Got Anxiety," and she relies on Jesus and reheated coffee every day. Using humor, honesty, and relatability in her writing, she writes with a heart for the mama struggling with anxiety and depression. Courtney is a former human resources professional, using her leadership skills to manage kids as a stay-at-home mom. You can find her in the Starbucks line at her local Target, binge-watching TV with her husband, or chasing after a kid (or two) at her home in Michigan.

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

In: Faith

I entered the church sanctuary a woman with a hurting and heavy heart. Too many worries on my mind, some unkind words spoken at home, and not enough love wrapped around my shoulders were getting the best of me. What I longed to find was Jesus in a rocking chair, extending His arms to me, welcoming me into his lap, and inviting me to exhaust myself into Him. I sought out an empty pew where I could hide in anonymity, where I could read my bulletin if I didn’t feel like listening to the announcements, sing if I felt up...

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living

Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood

Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

In: Faith, Living

It’s something she may not hear enough, but my aunt is truly amazing. Anyone who knows her recognizes her as one-of-a-kind in the best way possible. It’s not just her playful jokes that bring a smile to my face, her soul is genuinely the sweetest I know. I hope she knows that I see her, appreciate her, and acknowledge all the effort she puts in every day, wholeheartedly giving of herself to everyone around her. When I look back on my childhood, I see my aunt as a really important part of it. We have shared so much time together,...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood

Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

My Heart is Broken This Christmas Without You

Grief

My Heart is Broken This Christmas Without You

I Long For the Child Who Belongs To This Gift

Grief

Lord, How Many Times Did I Turn Away From You?

How many times Lord?

How many times did I look to others and to society before looking to Your Word for all the answers to my deepest longings?

But like a child returning home, I am back in Your loving arms.

I will now look to You before I look to others in the decisions of my life.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Her View Shop

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like