I sheepishly called my new-er friend. “Hi, Addy, I don’t want to be a bother, so if you’re busy, don’t worry . . . but I blew a tire and I’m at the tire shop. Could you possibly come pick me up and take me home? If not, it’s totally fine!” The words rushed out as if I were a 13-year-old girl asking the popular girl to come over for a sleepover.
In a way, that’s exactly what I was doing. Making new friends is hard. Making new friends as a mom is really hard. As moms, we already have so much on our overflowing plates—parenting, marriage, cooking, cleaning, errands, doctor’s appointments, shuttling kids here, there, and everywhere—that the thought of adding “make new friends” to our too-full schedule is just too much.
The irony is, though, we need friends. If there’s one secret I have found in motherhood, it’s that being a mom is a little easier when we befriend other moms and help each other out. And sometimes, that means asking for a ride home from the tire store. Addy jumped into action, piling her toddler in the car and coming to my rescue. I thanked her profusely and apologized for taking up her time. Her response made me pause. “Kristin! Don’t apologize and don’t thank me! I’m honored to help you, and I’m so glad you thought of me to call!”
We spent the 10-minute drive to my house catching up, deepening our blossoming friendship. As she pulled up to my house, she said, “Thank you for calling me to help you today. Having this time to talk to a friend is just what I needed this afternoon.” We hugged, and I pondered our conversation the rest of the day.
Simply put, God didn’t create us to live life alone (Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9). He created us to love and serve Him and to love and serve others, so much so that he declared them the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:36-40). In this hustle, do-it-all-yourself culture, the thought of asking for help makes us internally cringe. When the world screams for us to be supermoms, it makes it embarrassing to ask for help. Yet, the Lord calls us to live the exact opposite. He calls us to live a life of serving one another (1 Peter 4:10-11).
How can we live a life of service without friendship? Sure, we can volunteer at church or our children’s school, and those are wonderful ways to serve, but there’s something to be said about serving our friends. Furthermore, we have the opportunity to be served—to have a village to help us bear the weight of motherhood.
We need to have friends in order to serve them . . . and to be served by them. At times it can seem easier—simpler—to just retreat in our sweatpants and carry the weight alone. I would venture to say most of us have experienced a friendship rejection at some point in our lives, and we aren’t super excited to put ourselves out there again. It also takes effort and time to invest in other moms to build friendship—and effort and time are things we don’t usually have extra of after a long day of mothering.
However, the Bible is clear that what we sow, we will reap (Galatians 6:7-10). We are quick to complain that motherhood is so hard on our own, yet if we’re honest with ourselves, we might need to admit we aren’t doing much to actively change our circumstances. I recently had to admit this to myself, and it humbled my heart in such a way that I knew I needed to make a change.
I timidly began asking moms at church for their phone numbers or messaging mom acquaintances about maybe, just possibly, if they weren’t too busy, getting together at the local splash pad so the kids could play. My invitation was laced with apprehension as I hoped my offer was enticing enough since it included the opportunity for the kids to burn off energy (every mom’s dream). To my pleasant surprise, almost every response was some variation of “Yes! So fun! When? I’d love to!” It was as if these moms were in need of friendship too.
As time passed and playdates commenced, so did the exchange of worries, advice, tears, and laughter. It didn’t happen overnight, but with a little effort, and certainly less effort than expected, genuine friendships formed to the point that we leaned on each other through harder things than blown tires. We showed up with meals when they were needed, offered to pick up groceries when someone was sick, and listened with a compassionate ear when challenges were too hard to process alone.
The command to love and serve others turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in motherhood. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, knew this command would be for our good (Romans 8:28). If I had chosen to do it all myself, I would have not only missed out on the very practical help I needed but also the joy of deepening a now lifelong friendship. May we approach this command with a humble heart and take active steps to follow in Jesus’ footsteps of investing in friendship, ultimately loving the Lord by loving and serving others.
by Rachael Ramas 
by Wendy C 
by Brianna Baranowski 
