On our wedding day, my husband and I couldn’t wait to, as they say, “Get outta Dodge.”

Our engagement wasn’t a particularly long one—especially by modern-day standards—but the nine months we spent planning our nuptials were plenty long for a young couple in love. Plus, in another modern-day trend-bucking move, we weren’t living or sleeping—together, so our wedding day really was the start of something entirely new. 

So on that hot August day, after the vows were exchanged, the toasts were given, and the food was eaten, we happily hopped in the car and headed off on our honeymoon—and the start of our brand new life together. 

But according to an article published this week in the New York Times, that might be yet another tally in the “bucked trend” column for us. 

Some couples are now choosing to forego honeymoons in favor of “solomoons”—spending their first days as husbands and wives apart, sometimes even continents apart, like Irene O’Brien and her husband, Mel Maclaine, did in 2016.   

The pair married—and promptly parted ways for separate vacations with their respective friends. Apart. Not together. Because, as O’Brien told the Times, “Neither of us wanted to be where the other one was.” 

This is the part where I look like that emoji with the arched eyebrow and confused eyes. Because whaaaaaat? 

When I married my husband, I could not WAIT to spend time with him—just the two of us—enjoying our first days as Mr. and Mrs. Not only did we need that downtime after the whirlwind of a wedding and all it entails, we WANTED that time together.

Call me crazy, but I married the man I did because I kind of liked him, which meant I also liked being with him. And those early days in our marriage, when we were sorting out which sides of the bed we’d claim, when we were blissfully unburdened and full of youthful energy and boundless love? They laid the foundation of a partnership we still choose every day.

So yes, we packed a suitcase and went on a honeymoon together. We checked into a hotel together. We ordered room service together. We strolled hand-in-hand together. For a few uninterrupted days, we focused only on each other—you guessed it—together.  

Believe me, I understand the necessity of keeping up friendships. There’s lifeblood in a night out with your besties, or a getaway with your girlfriends.

But my husband is my friend, too—my best one, actually. 

And marriage, at its core, is us choosing to be together, as much as possible. Sometimes, it’s being physically near. Other times, it’s being emotionally near when time or circumstance prevent you from breathing the same air. But always it’s about living as that two who have become one.

Our honeymoon is long since a memory, more than a decade and four kids later—and the string that tethers our hearts has been tugged and twisted and knotted and pulled. But since it’s firmly anchored in the heart of my better half—from the moment we said “I do”—I know it won’t ever snap. 

Carolyn Moore

Carolyn traded a career in local TV news for a gig as a stay-at-home mom, where the days are just as busy and the pay is only slightly worse. She lives in flyover country with her husband and four young kids, and occasionally writes about raising them at Assignment Mom