I need to talk to you. Something is bothering me that I didn’t even know was heavy in my heart. Maybe I haven’t been ready until now.
The thing is . . . I need you to invite me to hang out with you. And your husband.
No, this isn’t some weird partner triangle thingy. We wouldn’t be friends if it was. Come on. Hear me out.
Divorce is lonely. Isolating. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Not in the married club. Even though I once was. Not in the singles group. Even though I am. Not in the mommy groups. Even though I am. I feel separate from everything and everyone I once knew.
I have a hard time remembering what being married looks and feels like. I need reminding, by you and your husband, what a good, happy, healthy marriage is.
Yep. That includes the crap, too. I know marriage and people aren’t perfect. So cut the bull and tell me the truth. Share the little moments that make you feel treasured and loved. Complain to me when he annoyed you or dropped the ball. Invite me into the chaotic, loud, messy family you have created together. Don’t put on a show for me, worrying you may offend me. You won’t.
Now that I feel steadier on my own two feet, I feel more confident and comfortable in my life and current relationships. Yet, something is missing. Something I didn’t realize was important to me.
My friendships with my friends’ husbands.
Gosh, this is hard to explain.
See, I love spending time with you. Girls night out. Supper one-on-one. Kids’ playdates. Your friendship means more than you know. However, I know your life includes a husband, family, and more. I don’t want just part of you. I want all of you. Everything. So, if I have a friendship with your husband, it is one more thing I get to love about you.
I don’t want to be the friend you only come to when you need to vent or when the going gets tough. I want to be the friend you come to when you need to shout your happiness, your love, your mushiness.
Don’t be anxious if I see him grab your butt, sneak a kiss, or cup your boob. I am not embarrassed. You shouldn’t be either. Go ahead and cop a feel right back. I need to see this happen. Because, well, I have forgotten.
I’ve forgotten what a good man looks like. Acts like. Loves like. Talks like. Gives like.
A man’s perspective. A man’s humor. A man’s advice. A man’s fix-it mindset. To answer the questions I have about dating, car issues, DIY house improvements, finances, and life stuff.
My dad and brothers-in-law do this. They are great men, and I am forever grateful they are my family.
I just need more.
So do my kids.
My boys need to see their friends’ parents love each other. Respect each other. Laugh with each other. They need to see a dad and mom who work together.
But get heated up, too. So if my kids are acting up, let the dad voice rain down on them. Please, and thank you. I need to see how a couple is united in parenting. Shoulder to shoulder. Leaning on one another in raising little humans.
Even if the number will be odd. Couples. Couples. Couples. Me.
Even if the first time, second time, and third time are awkward.
Even if I decline. Because I probably will. More due to me and my crap and nothing to do with not wanting to hang out with a married couple.
Even if you think I wouldn’t have fun.
Even if I don’t know anyone.
Even if it is a pricey restaurant and you worry about my ability to afford it.
Even if you know it is my kid weekend.
Not just once. But again and again.
My marriage may have failed. I don’t think yours will, too. I am cheering you and the hubby on. Praying you two will stay connected, grow together, and feel that love you found in the beginning. Your marriage is valuable.
For me, too.