By Wendy C 
Recently, I read a picture book to my children titled Would I Trade My Parents? The book is about a little boy who wishes he could exchange his parents for his friends’ parents. But in the end, he remembers all the amazing things his parents do for him and realizes he wouldn’t trade them after all. He knows they’re the best.
After reading this book, my immediate thought was there should be a book for couples called Would I Trade My Partner? Because while we can’t trade our children (or our parents), we most certainly can trade our spouses if we really wanted to. Especially if the trade seems appealing…
Your friend’s husband fixes the house every weekend while yours sits on the couch and watches sports. Your neighbour’s wife cooks homemade meals every day, while yours is content to serve frozen entrees for the entire month. That husband across the street? He’s always playing with the kids; you wish your partner was more involved with your kids. Your cousin’s wife? She’s always gushing about how amazing her spouse is; you wish your wife would sing your praises sometimes.
There always seems to be something (or someone) better out there. In our consumerist culture, the things we buy are often not meant to last us for a long time, let alone a lifetime. We can easily replace these “old” things with newer, better versions. Trade in and trade up. Our current spouse isn’t quite up to par; not to worry, we can trade them in for a different (better) spouse.
But are we really trading up? While the grass may seem greener on the other side, this isn’t always the case. And my point does not apply to relationships where abuse or violence is present. In those situations, a sod cutter needs to be used on the grass.
The same way my 8-year-old wonders if he could trade us for more technologically savvy parents, I’d contemplated the idea in the early years of marriage. When disagreements over trivial issues arose, when we just couldn’t understand each other, when arguments escalated and when tension loomed over us like a dark, gray cloud, in those moments, I wondered what it would be like to trade in my “jalopy” for something more reliable.
But just like the little boy in the book who realized his parents weren’t so bad after all, when I took a hard look at my husband and what he brought to the marital table, I realized trading him in—even the mere thought of it—was foolhardy.
Of course, this realization didn’t strike me immediately. It took time, a few years to be exact. Ironically, it didn’t dawn on me on date nights, when we were decked out in fancy attire, sitting in a romantic restaurant, gazing at each other and sipping wine. Nor did it hit me all those times he got me flowers or bought me my favorite dessert, although that did earn him brownie points.
It would be too easy and predictable if my feelings for my husband relied on these characteristic romantic moments that society had my younger self believing signified love.
Rather, this realization became clear to me on those mundane, humdrum days when nothing special or remotely romantic was happening. Yet, words were spoken and actions were taken that demonstrated my husband’s love. Painting my nails for a last-minute event because his precision in holding a tiny paintbrush far outweighs the patience I have to do it myself. Cooking dinner while I read my 456-page novel uninterrupted (somewhat, we still had kids around). Planning a special outing even though we had snapped at each other a mere five minutes ago. Offering me the last piece of dessert time and time again, even though I know he wants it as much as I do.
All these acts of love, without the expectation of anything in return.
It is during these moments that my husband’s true character, the one I fell in love with but often forget to notice during times of strife, comes to the forefront. In spite of the graying hair, the face with a few more wrinkles etched into it, and the middle-aged dad body, I get a glimpse of the man I once fell in love with.
And I fall in love with him all over again.
Isn’t this what love is supposed to be like? Seeing your spouse for who they truly are. Choosing to focus on the good, but loving them wholly anyway. The good, the bad, and the irritating; yes, especially the irritating, because those traits are here to stay.
While grand gestures have their place (I’m not one to complain if my husband wants to wine and dine me), it is those seemingly trivial moments that hold just as much weight as a box of chocolates, a bouquet of flowers, or a piece of jewelry.
Isn’t it about falling in love over and over again with the same person you said “I do” to all those years ago?
If I were asked, would I trade my husband? Without even needing to skip a beat, my answer would be no, I wouldn’t. I know he’s the best.
Originally published by The Globe and Mail
by Tiffany Nardoni 
by Danielle Lacourse Vaughn 
by E.F.C. Warden 
