As a Newly-Single Mom, I'm Learning How To Parent Alone

I have four beautiful children. Each of them is unique, full of purpose, and wonderfully made by God. Being their mom is my greatest joy and my biggest challenge. As a newly single mom, the normal things of adolescence I used to have help governing are now much more difficult to navigate. I constantly worry my unhealed trauma is going to spill out onto my kids and mess them up. Who’s with me?

I have teenage daughters. That fact in and of itself is frightening. It is so easy to let them down. I try to meet them where they are and see things from their perspective, but sometimes, I just can’t. I recognize that moodiness comes with being a woman, but it sure does hurt when their little cranky fingers are pointed at me as the sole reason for their frustration. I don’t get to share that burden with anyone else anymore. That’s hard.

I’m not looking for pity. I am really just looking for some solidarity around the fact that going from being a married mom to a single mom is quite jarring. I second-guess my parenting much more often now than I did before my divorce. I think to myself, “Would I have said or done the same thing in this situation then as I am now?” Honestly, I don’t know the answer. What I do know is prayer is much more of a lifesource now for me than it ever has been before.

I call on Jesus to help me pay my bills, put food on the table, and gas in my car.

I call on Jesus to give me peace when anxiety about my future overwhelms my mind.

I call on Jesus to lead me in conversations with my 13 year old daughter about forgiveness.

I call on Jesus to hold me up when the tears show up out of nowhere in the middle of my workday.

I absolutely know I can’t be a stable, healthy mom alone. I need help. So, I have started going to a therapist to get the messy stuff out of me that has been locked up inside for way too long. I don’t want it to affect the way I love and lead my children. I am learning that I am responsible for myself, and what comes out of me shows who I really am. I knew that before, but now the weight of that truth is much heavier since I’m handling the day-to-day all by myself. Each day is an opportunity to press into the hard by leaning on the Lord’s grace and incorporating my arsenal of grounding exercises.

I’m so grateful for my mom and sister, who have generously come alongside me during this complicated season. It really does take a village, doesn’t it? The Lord has been faithful. I need to constantly remind myself of the blessings because it sure can be hard to see them in the middle of the valley.

No one is ever prepared for the valley. I think it’s safe to say we all would much rather live on the mountain top for our whole lives. But how would we really be able to appreciate the simple joys of life if we never experienced pain? I don’t like this question, but it is one I have been thinking about a lot lately. Joy and suffering go hand in hand—they need each other. Would I recognize the beauty of the sunset without the darkness of the night? I don’t believe so.

One thing is certain: I love being a mom, and nothing will keep me from showing up for my kids every minute of every day. Will I always show up with a smile on my face? No. But I’ll show up. And the more I allow healing to bring hope to my heart and mind, the more I’ll be able to contribute to their growth in the way they need me to. The night never lasts forever. I will trust that the break of dawn will once again peek through the windows of my soul and wake me up to continue to do what I was created for: Motherhood.

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Harmony Vuycankiat

Harmony's heart’s cry is to love without limits and live without regrets. Her faith in God has been the driving force of her life, leading her to work in the slums of the Philippines, the red light district of South Korea and on the streets of impoverished communities in America. Her four children are her favorite humans and she has been blessed to learn so much from them. She is drawn to writing that is life-giving, soul-healing and faith-building. She believes that hope is the anchor of the soul and desires to point others to this Truth. Writing, singing, and walking are her favorite methods of therapy and she's a nerd for all things nutrition.