You Are His Wife, Not His Mom

I told my husband to do something the other day and he looked right at me and said, “I had a mom for 18 years I don’t need another one.” Granted, he was laughing when he said it, but it did make me stop and think.

Maybe I could have politely asked him to do something instead of directed him. For the most part, that is what I do—but I have my days when I am on the brink of a meltdown right alongside my 3-year-old. 

I’m exhausted and would love to just sit down for just 10 minutes. I get home from picking up our child and walk through my door juggling a purse, Spiderman water bottle, bag, giraffe pillow, and a backpack filled with who knows what anymore and I stand in shock telling myself to breathe, trying not to yell or stomp or throw anything.

I have already heard “Mom” 50 times in the last 30 minutes along with a lavish tale of Avengers and bad guys. I need to start supper so everyone isn’t eating at midnight. I’m standing there taking it all in: dishes everywhere, the dog with no water, the playroom looking like an F-5 tornado ripped through. Where is the man of the house? Don’t worry I found him . . . on the couch taking a minute to himself. 

By now, I’m thinking of a hundred not-nice things in my head. I tell myself to count to 10 or 50 or 150. It’s going to be OK, I will get through this.

And I put on that second “mom” hat he says he doesn’t need.

I move gracefully tripping over cars, dog toys, shoes, a fat cat, and was that just Cheerios I felt crunch under my heel? I stand in front of that TV and give him The Look, you know the one. The “I don’t need words for you to understand me” look. I need help or my already crazy hair is going to get a lot crazier.

Moms, it doesn’t matter if you’re working 40 hours a week or you’re a stay-at-home mom—you need a break to function as both a partner and a parent. Don’t let stress eat at you.

It has taken me a very long time to ask for help instead of doing everything on my own and I admit, I still struggle. My wise mother once told me to leave my husband a list and for the longest time, I said absolutely not. He needs to be able to look around and see what I see.

But, to my absolute horror, he doesn’t.

My husband and I have a great partnership and we love our son and each other very much, but they both rely on me to make sure things run smoothly. I feel like I am Supermom. While this may seem like an exciting role, it is extremely tiresome and non-glamorous. As soon as I get home, my sweatpants are on with a comfy shirt, not some sexy short skirt and cape (I save that for the weekend once every other month . . . kidding!).

So I have learned to ask for . . . hold on let me try and spit this word out . . . HELP.

Let your partner know how exhausted you are. Do not let this bubble up inside of you. Eventually, a scary monster in amazing heels will lash out and no one wants that.

Whether it be taking or picking up the kids once or twice a week to school, having someone else make that 5-star supper of grilled cheese, cleaning up the dishes, or taking the dog on a walk—remember: you are a team.

I know at times, you feel you are a mom to not only your child but also to your partner. But remember, you are not his mom. He is right—he already had one of those.

You may also like:

Dear Husband, It’s Not Easy For Me to Admit, But I Need More Help

Dear Dads, Don’t Wait Until Your Wife Asks For Help

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Articles by Kaylan Harmon

Kaylan Harmon

I am a working mother to one amazing and crazy three year old son. I believe a good pair of shoes can fix anything. I’m just trying to figure out life while teaching my son to be a good person.