Everything seemed fine this morning—really, it did.

The sun was shining as my daughter bounded out of her room and straight into the bathroom to begin getting ready for the day. She ate a good breakfast and got dressed in her free-dress clothes. We chatted and laughed on the way to school. And lest we forget, today was Friday. The best day of all.

But as I unwrapped myself from our goodbye hug and pulled away to look at her one last time before I left, I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. Her face crumpled as she buried it back against my hip.

“My goodness, Zoey!” I exclaimed, startled by her seemingly-out-of-nowhere emotions. “What’s wrong??”

“I don’t know, Mommy,” she said. “I don’t know.”

I held her against my hip for a few moments, long enough to hear another admission escape her lips:

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

But, of course, I had to go.

I wiped her eyes with the back of my sleeve and handed her over to a friend who was blessedly waiting for her with open arms.

As I drove to work, baffled and bewildered, I defaulted to my saving grace in parenting: my mom.

“Corey,” she said. “Think of all the things that are going on. Of course she just wants you. You’re her person.”

After I hung up, I put myself in Zoey’s shoes. We’re in the middle of a move, and she’s fighting with the pull of the memories of our apartment and excitement for our new home. The end of the school year is approaching and, in less than a month, her days will be upheaved again.

Zoey’s always had a hard time with transitions, and we’ve worked over the years to find ways to make saying goodbye easier, be it through secret handshakes or hand-drawn hearts on wrists or extra hugs and kisses. At seven, I would think she would be past this by now.

Yet here I am as an adult, and even I struggle saying goodbye to the people I love. When I say goodbye to my parents after a visit, I feel my heartstrings pull. When I say goodbye to the man I love, I feel a twinge of sadness, hoping the next time I see him is sooner rather than later. And when I say goodbye to Zoey, there is always a distant, dull ache, the one called motherhood, that wants this little extension of me to stay right by my side, forever and always.

So I went to Target on my lunch break and found this sweet little charm necklace, one that I will give her when I pick her up later today.

I will lift up her hair and put it around her neck and tell the story of how I totally understand. That I get it. That saying goodbye is hard for me, too.

I’ll tell her that I hope these nestled hearts help, that the little one fits perfectly inside the big one, just like her heart and mine—and since we can’t always physically be side by side, that I hope she knows she’s always in my heart no matter where each of us is.

I have no idea if this will help. I sure hope it does. But at least I’m trying, day in and day out, to be the best mother I know how to be. To do the best I can and to be there for her the best I can​.

Even if it’s in the form of two tiny rose gold hearts, bought hastily but intentionally on a too-short lunch break, hanging around her neck, representing our love and those hard goodbyes and our fragile, but unbreakable, lifeline to each other.

This post originally appeared on the author’s Facebook page

You may also like:

This is What it Looks Like to Grow Up

I Am Their Comforter Because I Am Their Mother

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Corey Wheeland

Corey Wheeland is a writer, graphic designer, marketing professional, and mom to her amazing daughter, Zoey. She is the author of the book Blessed, Beautiful Now, a collection of heartfelt essays documenting her post-divorce search to find her authentic self. She is also the creator of The Nostalgia Diaries blog. Corey’s writing has been featured on Motherly, Today's Parent, Red Tricycle, Holl & Lane, and many other online publications.

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Soldier Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading

This is How to Support Miscarriage Moms

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with arm around another woman sitting in field

When you hear the term miscarriage, what do you think? My initial thought was the loss of an unborn child, but have you ever really wondered what truly happens when you are having a miscarriage? Our first miscarriage occurred immediately after our wedding in 2019, we had a chemical pregnancy after conceiving while on our honeymoon. This means we had a positive pregnancy test, but by the time we got to our OB/GYN, I had the heaviest period of my life, resulting in a negative serum pregnancy test. That was hard enough to go through but was nothing compared to...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading