When I became a mom, there were countless articles, books, podcasts, and social media posts highlighting the transformation I was about to endure. As my belly grew, so did my awareness that everything was about to change. Not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. Becoming a mom requires a life-altering sacrifice of self—from putting my needs and wants on the back burner to sleepless nights to wearing spit-up-covered clothes to whispered prayers for strength in the middle of the night—becoming a mom is an incredible transformation.
I was being changed from the inside out, and my mother was changing too. As I tentatively stepped into my role as a mom to a beautiful little girl, my mom took a step back. Her role as my mom shifted as I became a mother.
My mom was already a grandma to my nieces when I became a mom, yet she still had to go through a transformation within our relationship. Our relationship grew and stretched, requiring a different balance. She was still my mom and I was still her daughter, but she now became a mom-friend too. As I slowly figured out my parenting style and motherhood, my mom took a backseat position, but not in a negative way. She allowed me to confidently spread my wings and fly.
My mom had her time being the primary caregiver to my sister and me, and now it is my turn to be the primary caregiver to my children. For me to take that step forward, it required her to take a step back. But her presence was still there, as she found the precise balance needed to be supportive without overbearing.
She had to master the juggling act of being a mom to me and a grandma to my children while navigating our new relationship as mom-to-mom, instead of just mom-to-daughter. It’s a new dance we’re both learning, and sometimes we take a misstep, but we both work hard to get the rhythm right.
She is quick to encourage instead of criticize. She listens more than she speaks. When she does speak, it’s with words that are needed to soothe my fears, just like she did when I was a little girl. A new mom still needs her own mom.
She is careful to only give advice when asked instead of spewing off unsolicited opinions like so many do. She transitioned from being the mom in charge to being my biggest cheerleader and my children’s favorite playmate, toggling between being a playful grandma and motherly confidant. She is a safe place for my worries and concerns as a new mom while also spending the majority of her time on her knees building blocks with my toddler.
Just as my transformation to becoming a mom is beautiful, there is something equally beautiful about witnessing your mom become a grandma. To see her love expand and flow into your children is nothing short of magnificent. My heart bursts with pride as I watch her proudly show off pictures of her grandchildren to anyone who will look. Tears form in my eyes as I watch her comfort my toddler over invisible boo-boos, read countless books, make up silly stories, and gently burp and bounce my infant son.
Our relationship has grown beautifully too. I now understand my mom on a deeper level as I face challenges similar to those she once faced. I feel the rush of protective love over my children that I know she felt, and still feels, for my sister and me. To see my mom step into her role as grandma so seamlessly while also investing in our relationship in a new way is a gift that keeps on giving. It’s the gift of love passing down between generations.
by Linda Orleans 
by Rachel Kosar 
