To my oldest child, my time is for you. 

It may not seem like it now, little one, but my time is all about you. It may not seem like it because so much of the time is about your brother. He needs to be fed, he needs to be rocked, he needs to be changed. He is small and you are big, and so it seems like he gets and needs so much more.

Yet this time is for you.

There are new rules and new routines now that we are a family of four with a baby in the mix. God knows I am imperfect in how I balance my time and my love for both of you but know this time is for you. Even when physically your brother’s needs come first, mentally and emotionally this time is for you. 

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You are being pushed. You are being pushed to play independently at times so I can sleep or work. You are being pushed to be a big helper with tasks at home and with the baby. You are being pushed to learn and think and grow with the extra time for practice and letters and counting. Your intellect, your emotion, your deep, endless love, and your vocabulary fascinate me. I could listen to your stories all night and watch you process tasks around you all day. When you are pushed you persevere. Through it all, you have to know this time is for you.

I see you learning, changing, growing every day. 

I cherish the moments to see you help and see your responsibility and maturity grow. I love the extra cuddles and extra mommy time with you, my oldest child. Yet all this time reminds me how quickly you are growing. It was just yesterday you were the baby falling asleep on my chest, grabbing at my fingers and cooing as you slept. Now you are three going on 13 and ready and willing to be a big kid. This time is for you.

I see your brother and cherish the memories of him being little but will block out the sleepless nights and diapers. I will never forget the memories you and I have made as we cherish this extra time together. This time is for you, and although it may not always seem like it, you will always be my number one, my oldest child, and my baby all at the same time. This time is for you. 

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As our time together and maternity leave ends, please know, my little one, that I will always have time for you, and I am so thankful for this extra time to watch you learn and grow. I may be imperfect at motherhood, but I will always love you and give you my time, little one. 

Previously published on the author’s blog

Jamie Propson

Jamie Propson is a midwest mother, teacher, and farmer.