To My Sweet Baby Girl,
Life didn’t begin until you were born. Every breath you took brought with it a new adventure, a new feeling I’d never experienced, a new understanding of the meaning of life. For your first few months I had no idea what I was doing, no clue why you wouldn’t stop crying at 4 in the morning. And I admit, I got angry at times trying to understand you and failing miserably. I even broke down once or twice…ok, maybe a thousand times. Because the truth is…every minute with you has been an unpredictable string of events that has taught me what motherhood is all about.
I loved watching you learn how to roll over, crawl, walk, babble and talk. I embraced the times when you were sick, knowing it was my only chance to get an extra cuddle in and I cherished the day when you learned to put yourself to sleep (I swear the heavens met earth in that moment). But as you grew, so too, did our family; three became four and four turned quickly into five and life as you knew it was changing. Heck, life as I knew it, was changing. No longer were you the center of attention, no longer were you the “only grandchild.” And at times as you learned to share that love and attention, you would put up quite the fight. But remember, I too was learning, I too, had to share. And as I struggled to find the balance of loving you and all that I desired to give you, I constantly fell short.
I failed at giving you the attention you deserved, I failed at keeping my temper when all you wanted was to ask me a question, I failed at holding you when you needed me most, I failed at laughing with you while you played dress up with your pretend friends, and I failed at forgiving you when it was never your intention to hurt me.
And for all that I am sorry. I am sorry for letting you down and constantly failing to be the parent that you deserve and I’m sorry for giving up at times when you needed me most. Will you forgive me? Can you? Because all I desire is to love you unconditionally; all I desire is to give you the life that you deserve; all I desire is to see you push past your fears and be the woman that I know you were created to be.
So know, that even on my best day I will fail you. But even on my worst day, I will never give up on you. For you are worth every bump in the road, every parenting fail, and every break down. And as long as you promise to continue to embrace my mistakes, I promise to ALWAYS love you through yours.