It’s the end of the day, and we are both tired.
We are both needing our time to unwind from the business of the day.
For me, it is my adult time.
A chance to sit in the quiet, free from the expectations, the questions, the craziness.
A chance to sit and hear myself think.
And for you, my sweet child, you need the comfort of our bedtime ritual.
You need me to lay with you until you fall asleep.
No matter what has happened throughout the day, it is our chance to reconnect.
To be present in each other’s company.
Some nights we talk about your day.
I’ll ask you questions and you will eagerly respond.
Some nights we giggle and laugh.
Some nights we read your favorite book, 10 times or more.
And some nights we just lay quiet, enjoying our cuddles until you quietly drift off to sleep.
It is our special time.
They are our cherished moments.
Time I look forward to.
When you were first born, I was told by many people to just let you learn to self-settle.
I was told not to rock you to sleep in my arms.
That I was creating a rod for my own back.
I was told you would have attachment issues and that you would never learn to fall asleep on your own.
There was no malice in their advice. They were simply sharing their experiences or what they read in a parenting book, but for us, thankfully that was not to be our truth.
I trusted my instincts.
I knew it is what we both need.
And it was what felt right.
I made the decision that I would stay with you until you fell asleep.
Now, as you close your eyes, and fall asleep, you know I will leave the room.
You know I will be in my own bed and that if you get scared or you need some comfort, you can come find me.
Or just call my name and I will come to you.
You know you are not alone.
And as I watch you grow, I can see the confidence you have developed in the reassurance of knowing your mama will be there when you need me to be.
I know there will come a time when you no longer need to lay with me to fall asleep.
I don’t know when that will be.
But, I do know you won’t be little forever and there will come a time when you feel independent enough not to need me.
So I am going to savor our special moments together while they are right here in front of me.
Each night, I will gladly lay with you, my darling, until you need me no more.
And each night, as I leave your room, I will kiss you goodnight and remind myself just how lucky I am.
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