I cried when I found out you were a boy.

I’ve never told anyone that before.

They weren’t the good kind of tears, either; not the kind that brim with joy until your eyelids can’t possibly hold them back one more second and they spill over the edges.

No, they were big, weepy, longing-for-a-daughter, alligator tears.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want another son as much as the fact that I badly longed for a daughter, and I knew you might be my final chance.

So I cried.

I forced a smile as the ultrasound tech said, “It’s another boy!”

I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could to explain to your brother that not only was he going to be a brother, he was also going to have a brother.

I nodded in mock excitement as your daddy daydreamed aloud about hunting with his boys and teaching them to throw a curveball.

I smiled outwardly, but inside I ached. I grieved the loss of the mother-daughter bond that I had prayed for.

And then the moments leading to your arrival began to tick by.

Each time the reply “a little boy” slipped past my lips as I rubbed my growing belly, you seemed just a little more familiar to me.

As I pulled out your brother’s old clothes and washed, folded, and hung them for you to wear one day soon, the butterflies in my stomach began to dance with anticipation.

When I saw two teenage boys laughing together in the cab of a truck passing me by on a wide open two-lane highway, I could suddenly see the future outstretched before me.

And when I held you in my arms for the very first time—all seven pounds, 11 ounces of boy—that’s when I knew without a shadow of a doubt.

You were made for me.

I’ve never told anyone this before, but now I’m telling the whole world. Because here’s the truth, baby boy: I thought I knew best, but it turns out I didn’t have a clue.

I once prayed for a girl, but now I thank God every second that he gave me you instead.

This article originally appeared on Bouncing Forward with Casey Huff

P.S. Boy moms are part of a special, sacred club. Check out this cute So God Made A Boy Mom tee that has been flying out of our shop!

 

Casey Huff

Casey is a middle school teacher turned stay-at-home-mama to three littles. It's her mission as a writer to shine light on the beauty and chaos of life through the lenses of motherhood, marriage, and mental health. To read more, go hang out with Casey at: Facebook: Bouncing Forward Instagram: @bouncing_forward