I cried when I found out you were a boy.

I’ve never told anyone that before.

They weren’t the good kind of tears, either; not the kind that brim with joy until your eyelids can’t possibly hold them back one more second and they spill over the edges.

No, they were big, weepy, longing-for-a-daughter, alligator tears.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want another son as much as the fact that I badly longed for a daughter, and I knew you might be my final chance.

So I cried.

I forced a smile as the ultrasound tech said, “It’s another boy!”

I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could to explain to your brother that not only was he going to be a brother, he was also going to have a brother.

I nodded in mock excitement as your daddy daydreamed aloud about hunting with his boys and teaching them to throw a curveball.

I smiled outwardly, but inside I ached. I grieved the loss of the mother-daughter bond that I had prayed for.

And then the moments leading to your arrival began to tick by.

Each time the reply “a little boy” slipped past my lips as I rubbed my growing belly, you seemed just a little more familiar to me.

As I pulled out your brother’s old clothes and washed, folded, and hung them for you to wear one day soon, the butterflies in my stomach began to dance with anticipation.

When I saw two teenage boys laughing together in the cab of a truck passing me by on a wide open two-lane highway, I could suddenly see the future outstretched before me.

And when I held you in my arms for the very first time—all seven pounds, 11 ounces of boy—that’s when I knew without a shadow of a doubt.

You were made for me.

I’ve never told anyone this before, but now I’m telling the whole world. Because here’s the truth, baby boy: I thought I knew best, but it turns out I didn’t have a clue.

I once prayed for a girl, but now I thank God every second that he gave me you instead.

This article originally appeared on Bouncing Forward with Casey Huff

P.S. Boy moms are part of a special, sacred club. Check out this cute So God Made A Boy Mom tee that has been flying out of our shop!

 

Casey Huff

Casey is a middle school teacher turned stay-at-home-mama to three littles. It's her mission as a writer to shine light on the journey of a young wife and mom; the good, the bad, and always the real. When she's not writing, Casey is likely to be yelling COME DOWN FROM THERE! or DON'T LICK YOUR BROTHER!, and procrastinating on the housework.  To read more, go hang out with Casey at: Facebook: Bouncing Forward Instagram: @bouncing_forward