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There are some mothers and daughters who are inseparable, like best friends. Super supportive, encouraging, love to spend a lot of time together, respectful and delicate with each other’s feelings.

Then there are the relationships that are estranged. Mother and daughter are not part of each other’s lives at all, this could be due to many reasons but all in all they don’t see eye to eye. Having a relationship would be toxic to one, if not both, and they benefit from living without each other completely. 

Then somewhere in the middle is my mom and me.

My mom and I have had some intense moments in our relationship.

We’ve experienced some estranged moments ourselves. There have been months of avoiding each other and freezing each other out. Betrayal, hurt, and resentment throughout those lovely teenage years and even adulthood. I don’t agree with how she handled me as a teenager, and I’m sure she doesn’t agree with how I acted as a teenager. She ruined my life in many ways, and I let her know about it. I made her life hard and full of drama.

Our personalities clash.

I don’t understand her motives and never have. I am so different from her, and she doesn’t understand me. She pushes my buttons on purpose. She is critical of practically everything I do.

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She tells me how bad my hair looks and how the baby will catch pneumonia if I don’t keep an undershirt on her at all times. Yet she feels it is perfectly fine to fill her with sweets and sneak her drinks of Diet Coke even though she knows how I feel about it.

She is loud and likes to talk, is super outgoing, and has a story for everyone she encounters. She makes friends on Black Friday and even sets up alliances with them. I cringe at the idea of talking to strangers or making eye contact.

I keep to myself and am very private; she tells everyone in town all my business.

She is spontaneous and loves to pick up and do things on a whim; I like to think about things for a couple of weeks before committing, then can only do it if it is written in my planner.

I’m a deep thinker and tend to lead with emotion, my mom hates emotions.

I can’t make a decision if my life depended on it, but no worries, Mom makes them for me (probably why I can’t make my own).

She states her opinion constantly and never holds back. She is high-strung, and I am calm.

She’s intense and gets mad easily. But before you wonder how to get on her good side again, she’s over it and acts like nothing ever happened the next day.

She has a resiliency I’ve never seen in anyone. When I get mad, I’m done. I have spent months not talking to her as an adult when I just couldn’t get her to understand where I’m coming from. I get so frustrated never understanding her motives and her lack of boundaries.

RELATED: Better Late Than Never: An Apology to My Mother

I have pondered so many times how someone like me can come from someone like her. I’m sure she thinks the same thing about me. It is like walking a landmine trying to keep our relationship ongoing and smooth.

But despite the constant pull and push of our relationship . . . we are close.

It is rare for us to not touch base on a day-to-day basis. Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment (depending on the day) but anytime I have anything happen good or bad, Mom is the first person I call. I can count on her to help me out of a bind. She’s energetic and knows how to get a job done. 

RELATED: Dear Mom, Thanks for Still Mothering Me in This Exhausting Stage of Motherhood

When we move, she is working 90 to nothing—packing, cleaning, and unpacking boxes. Sometimes I don’t know where she gets her energy. Got a room that needs painting . . . she’s on it. Your kids need a new wardrobe . . . it’s already been ordered, shipped, and is hanging in her spare closet just waiting for the next season. Need a new décor rug for a room, she knows where to find the perfect one to match. 

We may butt heads on all our viewpoints of life and the emotions that go along with it, but I can still count on her to come through on all the stuff she’s good at and I’m not.

My mom is approaching 60, and I’ve started thinking about what it would be like if she wasn’t here or able to do these things. I would be absolutely lost in this life without her. I know there are plenty of women in this world living without their mothers, some since childhood, and my heart goes out to them. Having a mother to drive you crazy and help you through this life is a gift I wouldn’t want to live without.

Amy Blair

Amy adores her main gig as a stay at home mom to a very wise 15-year-old son and a super spunky 2-year old daughter. As an aspiring author, she loves to write and finds it very cathartic. She is working on her first book now! You might have seen some of her articles on the Today Parenting site, Pregnant Chicken, Filter Free Parents, and of course Her View from Home, you may have even heard her on a podcast here or there. You can expect to find her writing to be light-hearted and humorous, but also heavy and emotional. She is no stranger to writing about the hard stuff. No subject is off-limits, and she often exposes a tremendous amount of vulnerability. On her blog https://northfourthst.com/ she hopes that sharing her struggles and experience can teach, inspire, entertain, and make others feel not alone. When she is not writing or parenting you can find her planning her next fix of concert therapy since music is her lifeline.

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