So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Dear Client H., 

I’ve enjoyed working with you on the Marriage, Children, and Home Life Management Project (or, MCHLMP) and I am delighted that you’ve chosen to keep me on your team as we go into the next year! 

I wanted to let you know that I am increasing my rates, effective two weeks from today which coincides with the last day of my full-time job outside of the full-time and-then-some job I do as part of the MCHLMP. However, this means that I wanted to give you the first two weeks of your new package at the current rate, as a thank you for being such an amazing client. This rate increase will be in keeping with the average local Cost-of-Living index, and will be according to the specific demographics of our particular MCHLMP. 

The market value of, and the rate other clients are willing to pay for the quality of services that I provide as Wife, Mother, and Home Manager of the MCHLMP far exceeds my current rate, which is zero dollars. 

Our informal agreement has, to date, included my actually paying for the putting of the children into daycare to work an additional, full-time, quite-a-bit-less-than-meaningful job—only to also cook a variety of foods in interesting ways, clean the nether-reaches of our home occasionally, write and send thank-yous, make the Christmas Magic, and ensure that the laundry isn’t molding in the dryer and that it sometimes gets folded—to name just a few of my additional responsibilities that are often executed long after you have gone to bed. This new increase will help focus my efforts on the MCHLMP, will ensure that I am not only able to keep offering the same level of service that I have been providing, but it will allow me to perform at a much higher and at a more than semi-conscious level! Thus, producing a much better Home and Life Product, that I think you will be thrilled with. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I will continue to provide you with the 24-hour, round-the-clock coverage of troublesome and costly issues to daytime performance that you have come to expect, such as: feeding our youngest child day and night using my body, which we mutually agreed offers optimal nutrition to our final product. Or, responding to the full scope of after-hours emergency calls that come in periodically throughout almost every night, from blankets needing to be repositioned to sudden onslaughts of vomit. While the resolution of these tasks have always been auto-delegated to me because of my title of “Mom”, our organizational roles will reflect more transparency and common-sense-rooted Best Practices, since I will no longer be also having to go to my additional full-time work outside of the MCHLMP, first thing almost every following morning. 

It has come to my attention that you may have scaled down operations in other segments of your company, to redistribute your time and your workforce resources to the unanticipated taskload of the MCHLMP, despite (or maybe because of) having never been fully equipped to manage the nature and scale of MCHLMP, and lacking the training and efficiencies that are a built-in part of my comprehensive suite of services. As part of my ongoing commitment to monitoring the needs of my clients, it is my hope that you will recognize and use my ongoing, exceptionally high-quality services that have already yielded a positive ROI (Return On Investment), to bring your other company operations back up to full-time, thus ensuring a successful partnership for years to come. 

Best, 
Mom 
Freelance Wife and Home Manager, since 2002 
Food Network, Family Circle, & Pinterest Certified

You may also like:

Moms Work the Equivalent of 2.5 Jobs—No Wonder We’re All Tired

What Do Stay At Home Moms Do All Day?

Carisa Peterson

Carisa Peterson is a mother of two, a worker bee, and a published writer and produced playwright who writes in the wee hours from her home in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Her creative work can be seen on McSweeney’s, The Wisdom Daily, Her View From Home, The Refresh, Real Mom Daily, Elephant Journal, and in the successful 4-week run of Curves Ahead at Breckenridge, Colorado’s Backstage Theatre (2015). She enjoys doodling topiary trees in her spare time. Follow Carisa @LynnoType, see her on Facebook, or visit www.carisapeterson.com.

I’m So Thankful For This Little Family

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler boy and infant girl, color photo

I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, and praying for a life like I have now. Praying for a man to love me, to be loyal to me, to want a family with me, to provide for me, to show me what stability felt like and what it felt like to not ever have to worry . . . and here he is right in front of me. I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, praying for a house I could make a home and raise my family in. Here it is right in front of me. But most of...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Still Remember Who We Are

In: Marriage
Bride and groom kissing, color photo

Sometimes it might seem like I’ve forgotten about us—amid the cluster feeding and the baseball practices. In the heaps of diapers or the bubbly bath water. In this phase when my body is not my own, and it isn’t yours either. RELATED: Dear Husband, I Loved You First When my mind is too tired to string together another thought, and my voice is lost from whispering, not sweet nothings, but another lullaby. But I still remember who we are. Mirror souls, an unstoppable force, two hearts entangled—and we are conquering this part together because our relationship will go through seasons....

Keep Reading

I’m Just a Little Boy, but Daddy You’re Teaching Me How to Be a Man

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Daddy on the floor playing with son, color photo

I’m only a little boy, still too young to tie my own shoes or make my own breakfast. My days are filled with playtime, snacks, lots of hugs from Mommy, and plenty of tickles from you, Daddy. Right now, my life revolves around me and you and Mommy. I don’t know much about the world outside our home yet. I haven’t learned about responsibility or self-discipline or sacrifice. I haven’t had to find my place in the world yet. But I guess I’m pretty lucky because even though you may not know it, you’ve already begun teaching me everything I...

Keep Reading

You’re the Father You Never Had and I’m So Proud of You

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Dad and kids walking on beach

Can I tell you about my husband? He’s amazing. He’s kind and doting and loves Jesus, but perhaps his most endearing trait is the absolutely incredible father he is.  In our early days of dating, he was crippled by the fear of what type of father he would be. To him, fatherhood was burdensome, grumbling, abandonment, and fighting for the final dollar during tax season. His experience as a son crippled his anticipation as a father.  But I knew it all along—what an incredible dad he would be. Although I must admit, he has often far surpassed what I even...

Keep Reading

I Always Had an Excuse for My Excessive Drinking

In: Living, Marriage
Woman drinking wine

I remember the first time my husband sat me down and looked me in the eye and told me he was concerned about my drinking, about four years ago. It was after a particularly late, drunken Saturday night, and he approached me in our bedroom the next morning while our three kids were innocently watching TV downstairs. I don’t remember where we had been or who we had been with the night before, but it was probably much of the same drunken scene that we always found ourselves in, with the same people. What I do remember is the look...

Keep Reading

Spaghetti Sauce Faith

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Mother and little girl holding a bowl of spaghetti, color photo

It was Sunday afternoon, and I was loading my grocery cart higher than I ever had in my life. My husband and I, along with our two kids under two years old, had been living with his parents for three months. We moved from our Florida home to look for a house in Georgia, and they graciously took us in. This was the day I loaded up on groceries—filling an empty refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. My shopping list was all the things. I needed to buy the smallest of table ingredients like salt and garlic powder to the big things...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I’m Sorry for Expecting Perfection

In: Marriage
Couple embracing on beach

Dear Husband, There is a picture of a piece of burnt toast on my Facebook wall. It’s quite ugly. It’s the kind of toast that if it popped out of the toaster, I would try to scrape off all the black bits, probably making a mess over the countertop and in the kitchen sink in the process. And if the charred stuff never came off, I’d begrudgingly (because I don’t like to waste food) throw that toast in the garbage and make myself a new piece. That’s how burnt this piece of toast is. But it’s not my piece of...

Keep Reading

I Always Pack the Snack, and Other Ways Parenting is Never 50/50

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Mother lying on couch with children, black-and-white photo

I hate it. The idea of unequal roles irritates me to no end. Two years ago, I would never have believed it would come to this. The workload with my children will never be equally shared between my husband and me, and although I wish it weren’t true, I have finally come to terms with the notion that I will be the lead parent. “It will never be 50/50,” my husband said the other night, and as the words were coming out of his mouth, I believed him. It had been a bad day. Picking and arguing over who did...

Keep Reading

I Love the Way You Make Me Laugh

In: Marriage
Couple laughing

I love how you make me laugh. Like . . . love, love it.  You get that gleam in your eye—the one that could light up a city block, and I know what’s coming next.  I know I’m about to absolutely adore every word you deliver in that perfect execution of yours. I know the muscles on my face and in my stomach are about to hurt in an eager kind of way. I know I’m going to fall in love with you all over again. Right then. Right there. Really, it isn’t just the words. Don’t get me wrong, they...

Keep Reading

Divorce Made My Ex-Husband and Me Better Parents

In: Living, Marriage
Mom dropping child off with dad

When I married my husband, I could not imagine a life without him in it. We met at such a young age, and essentially, we grew up together. We molded one another and connected on such a deep level. With such a deep love, we decided the next step in life would be to get married and start a family. We wanted to create a life where we could watch our children grow, and we could grow old together.  Before having children, I don’t think anyone is prepared for the overwhelming love you experience for your child. You never realize...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime