Dear Client H., 

I’ve enjoyed working with you on the Marriage, Children, and Home Life Management Project (or, MCHLMP) and I am delighted that you’ve chosen to keep me on your team as we go into the next year! 

I wanted to let you know that I am increasing my rates, effective two weeks from today which coincides with the last day of my full-time job outside of the full-time and-then-some job I do as part of the MCHLMP. However, this means that I wanted to give you the first two weeks of your new package at the current rate, as a thank you for being such an amazing client. This rate increase will be in keeping with the average local Cost-of-Living index, and will be according to the specific demographics of our particular MCHLMP. 

The market value of, and the rate other clients are willing to pay for the quality of services that I provide as Wife, Mother, and Home Manager of the MCHLMP far exceeds my current rate, which is zero dollars. 

Our informal agreement has, to date, included my actually paying for the putting of the children into daycare to work an additional, full-time, quite-a-bit-less-than-meaningful job—only to also cook a variety of foods in interesting ways, clean the nether-reaches of our home occasionally, write and send thank-yous, make the Christmas Magic, and ensure that the laundry isn’t molding in the dryer and that it sometimes gets folded—to name just a few of my additional responsibilities that are often executed long after you have gone to bed. This new increase will help focus my efforts on the MCHLMP, will ensure that I am not only able to keep offering the same level of service that I have been providing, but it will allow me to perform at a much higher and at a more than semi-conscious level! Thus, producing a much better Home and Life Product, that I think you will be thrilled with. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I will continue to provide you with the 24-hour, round-the-clock coverage of troublesome and costly issues to daytime performance that you have come to expect, such as: feeding our youngest child day and night using my body, which we mutually agreed offers optimal nutrition to our final product. Or, responding to the full scope of after-hours emergency calls that come in periodically throughout almost every night, from blankets needing to be repositioned to sudden onslaughts of vomit. While the resolution of these tasks have always been auto-delegated to me because of my title of “Mom”, our organizational roles will reflect more transparency and common-sense-rooted Best Practices, since I will no longer be also having to go to my additional full-time work outside of the MCHLMP, first thing almost every following morning. 

It has come to my attention that you may have scaled down operations in other segments of your company, to redistribute your time and your workforce resources to the unanticipated taskload of the MCHLMP, despite (or maybe because of) having never been fully equipped to manage the nature and scale of MCHLMP, and lacking the training and efficiencies that are a built-in part of my comprehensive suite of services. As part of my ongoing commitment to monitoring the needs of my clients, it is my hope that you will recognize and use my ongoing, exceptionally high-quality services that have already yielded a positive ROI (Return On Investment), to bring your other company operations back up to full-time, thus ensuring a successful partnership for years to come. 

Best, 
Mom 
Freelance Wife and Home Manager, since 2002 
Food Network, Family Circle, & Pinterest Certified

You may also like:

Moms Work the Equivalent of 2.5 Jobs—No Wonder We’re All Tired

What Do Stay At Home Moms Do All Day?

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Carisa Peterson

Carisa Peterson is a mother of two, a worker bee, and a published writer and produced playwright who writes in the wee hours from her home in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Her creative work can be seen on McSweeney’s, The Wisdom Daily, Her View From Home, The Refresh, Real Mom Daily, Elephant Journal, and in the successful 4-week run of Curves Ahead at Breckenridge, Colorado’s Backstage Theatre (2015). She enjoys doodling topiary trees in her spare time. Follow Carisa @LynnoType, see her on Facebook, or visit www.carisapeterson.com.

Once Upon a Time You Got All of Me

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Husband and wife on wedding day, color photo

First there was us, and now it’s them. We have four little hands that need us, and it’s so hard to get lost in parenthood and forget that at once upon a time it was me and you. I promise you, it won’t always be like this. It won’t always be this hard. I remember when we would go for leisurely walks and long Sunday brunches. Now it takes us an hour to leave the house for a 15-minute walk. I want so badly to spend hours lying in bed, talking like we used to, but now I’m so tired...

Keep Reading

I Hold the Hand of a Hardworking Man

In: Marriage
Wife and husband holding hands, color photo

I’m blessed to be married to a blue-collar man—he carries our burdens and worries on strong shoulders and our hopes and dreams in his hard-working hands. Those hands keep the bills paid and a roof over our heads, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice—long days gone, mud on my floors, sawdust in pockets, and grit and grime in my sink, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s living his dream, and I’m cheering him on, doing my best to hold down the fort we call home. Beaten and battered, scarred and weathered, these hands are still gentle enough...

Keep Reading

What Happens When She Wants Another Baby and He Does Not?

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Husband and wife, pregnancy photo, color photo

I am on my knees, folded over, with my head resting on the carpet. I am in my closet, which doesn’t see much of the vacuum, and it is the only place I can find to sob out of sight. I feel hollowed out and defeated as if I have run a marathon and was cut short at the finish line. I cry out in prayer, pleading with God to soften the heart of my husband. I desperately want another child, and he desperately does not. I take a deep breath and dry my eyes because my 4-year-old outside the...

Keep Reading

Is Your Marriage on Cruise Control?

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple holding hands in car, above view

Cruising down the road, the highway curled before us like a ribbon into the horizon. Cozy road trips are a staple for my husband and me, and we look forward to the time together. Having been married for 37 years the adventure continues! We have loved each other through the ups and downs, and we have learned a lot about relationships. We also made a point of carefully watching successful relationships and surrounding ourselves with those whose marriages flourished. Nowadays, we have many young couples ask us what it takes to keep a marriage vibrant. One of the key ingredients...

Keep Reading

It’s Never Really about the Purse

In: Marriage
Purse sitting on counter, color photo

Last night, I lost my mind when you asked if I could try to keep my purses put away. You weren’t unkind. You weren’t upset. You even put the offending purse away for me. But asking me to put it away wasn’t the problem. It was the timing. I was gone all weekend hosting some writing friends for a mini writing retreat. I was home one day trying to catch up on all the things one gets behind on: laundry, groceries, and cleaning. The next day the kids had off school, so I took them to the museum for the...

Keep Reading

You’ve Never Stopped Loving Me

In: Marriage
The Worst of Me

My favorite picture of our wedding makes me sad. It sits on the top shelf in our living room. Next to it, is a seashell my dad gave my mom when they used to be married. There’s a rolled-up newspaper and a mishmash of toys next to it. In it, your hair is thicker; my body is younger. In it, are people who stood next to us that day, loved us, introduced us—some we no longer talk to. In it, I’m laughing and holding my best friend’s hand. That sunny day in Mexico surrounded by 99 of our most important...

Keep Reading

Every Type A Needs a Type B Person in Their Life

In: Friendship, Living, Marriage
Friends smiling

I spend a lot of time making lists, whether they are in my head, written on a piece of paper, or on my phone and laptop. Lists about what needs to be done today, later this week, or even a few months down the road. Even when I check off all the items on my list, more things pop up. There are always things demanding my attention. Initially, I thought having a list—or multiple lists—was a good thing. I felt organized and in charge of things. But when the lists started creeping their way into other facets of my life,...

Keep Reading

The L Is on the Mantel

In: Living, Marriage
Mantel showing Christmas decorations

This holiday season has been a little more exciting, stressful, chaotic, sleepless, and wonderful than any I can remember aside from the one when John and I were engaged and the four that welcomed our new babies to their first Christmases. In early November, we took a ride to look at a house I had seen online. It seemed promising from the description:  smaller yard, main floor laundry, an open floor plan, a direct route to our youngest child, her husband, and our youngest grandboys: an 8-year-old and his twin 3-year-old brothers. For the first time in recent home searches,...

Keep Reading

We Cope with the Stress

In: Living, Marriage
Woman on horse, black-and-white photo

We handle it differently. The stress. It’s the sight that initiates it. That dry brown ground. I start at a simmer, anger quickly rising up. Soon, I am at a rolling boil, and then I explode. Tears streaming down my face, I scream out my frustrations and end up dredging up every hurtful thing that has ever happened. I am rip-roaring mad at the entire world. I have been told I am too emotional like it is a badge of dishonor “Knock it off.” “Get your act together.” “Hold it together.” But it is just who I am.  He knows...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Thanks for Keeping Me Calm at Christmas

In: Marriage
Selfie of man and woman

Dear Husband, Thank you for being my constant in this seasonal chaos. I’m riding the roller coaster of emotions this time of year. One minute I’m calm, and the next, mom rage roars like a caged lion. Keeping our home in order, my health, work demands, kids’ practices and activities, gift exchanges, doctor appointments, organizing Christmas lists, and ensuring the holidays are magical and sweet have kept my plate overflowing. RELATED: Moms Do It All in December and It’s Exhausting Yet you’ve been a constant even when we’ve been exhausted and pressed each other’s buttons. Even when we’ve felt the...

Keep Reading