A Gift for Mom! 🤍

My 5-year-old just recently went back to dance class.

It’s been more than two months since she’s been in the studio or at school for that matter, and she’s been struggling. A global pandemic is a hard concept to grasp for an adult, let alone a child, and I can tell the isolation is seeping into her behavior. Children are social creatures. Much of what they learn at this age is shaped by interpersonal communication. So when her dance studio provided a very detailed plan about reopening, my husband and I decided to let her return.

The dance studio seemed to have it all figured out. They had squares for each student to stand in. Children would practice only stationary movements. The barres were off-limits. No one would touch each other. Everyone would have their own water bottles. Parents had to stay outside of the building. Hand sanitizer was spritzed on the palms of each child entering and exiting. It was a very detailed plan.

What they didn’t plan for, however, was how quickly all of this could fall by the wayside.

The first thing my 5-year-old did when we got to the studio was run to her best friend. Both threw their tiny little arms around each other and hugged for what felt like an eternity. The entire interaction felt like it was in slow motion as my eyes widened with panic.

RELATED: “I Just Want it To Be Normal, Mom.”

The other little girl’s mother looked at me and I looked at her, and we just sighed. You can’t prevent this. What are we supposed to do? Peel them apart? Tell them they can’t be excited to see each other after months apart? Scold them? We can try to reinforce hygiene and social distancing until we’re blue in the face, but these are complex conversations for young children. It’s near impossible to fully enforce.

So how will teachers and schools handle dozens of these little ones in the classroom come fall?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released its “considerations for schools” as districts grapple with how to handle the upcoming academic year. The guidelines have been abuzz in parenting circles as moms and dads across the world teeter back and forth with what to do.

Some of the “considerations” include modified classroom layouts: keeping desks apart when possible and facing the same direction. Limiting the use of shared items, such as “electronic devices, toys, books, and other games or learning aids.”

Playgrounds and cafeterias should be a thing of the past and virtual activities should take the place of field trips, performances, and assemblies.

Physical guides should be taped on the floors and signs should be displayed so children stay on one-way routes and six feet apart when in line.

It’s almost as if this was copied and pasted out of a sci-fi novel from the future when aliens take over the planet and treat humans like lab rats.

Parents’ heads are spinning, mine included.

RELATED: CDC Offers Guidance For Reopening Schools—And My Heart is Breaking For Our Kids

Should we start homeschooling? Is virtual school a better option? What about those who need to return to work? How does that play out? And what about the little ones who need those social interactions to thrive and learn? Not everyone has a playgroup lined up. Don’t even get me started on how this will impact children of lower socioeconomic status because I could go on for days.

And someone, anyone, please explain how a teacher could possibly be expected to keep a classroom on task when children won’t be permitted time for recess on a playground? We know recess and free play matter. Parents would be screaming over this in ordinary circumstances.

But these aren’t ordinary circumstances. As the phrase “new normal” gets pounded into our psyches, our hands as parents feel tied. It seems almost as if we’re in a lose-lose situation.

We so desperately want to keep our children safe, but we also want to nurture their growth.

We don’t want them to fall behind. We want them to be educated. We want them to be healthy. Schools are facing hard decisions, and parents, well, we make the final call. It’s a huge burden to carry tacked on to the million or so other stressors we’re facing amid this pandemic.

And no one, I repeat, NO ONE is making this easy. Conflicting opinions abound. What we know about the novel coronavirus changes nearly every day and all of a sudden we’ve all become statisticians, calculating just how likely we are to contract the virus, spread the virus, or die from the virus. So many of us don’t know who or what to believe, and social media feels more like a battlefield that a fun place to reconnect with friends.

It’s overwhelming, and when you add on the weight of making decisions for another little human it feels like an anvil has dropped on our heads. But instead of this episode of Looney Tunes ending, we have to make a legitimate decision that could impact our child for years to come.

RELATED: It’s Our Job as Parents to Carry the Weight of the World So Our Kids Don’t Have To

What do we do?

For now, my plan is to continue to watch happens as states reopen. These next few weeks feel critical as we wait to see what happens as people venture back out into their communities. Data lags, so it will take time. School registration is in July where I live, and I’ll likely register my little one for kindergarten. However, there’s still time to react, and there’s still time for things to change.

Let’s just hope that change happens in the right direction.

For now, I’m here to say this: Parents, you aren’t alone. This is heavy, but we’ll get through it. Children are resilient. But is there a clearcut answer? That’s, of course, like anything else these days—up for debate.

Previously published on Medium.com

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Jessica Saggio Forgino

Jessica Saggio Forgino is a New Orleans-area mom and journalist. She writes about topics relating to parenting, grief, humor, and the "extraordinarily ordinary" parts of life. 

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

In: Motherhood
Moms with arms around each other watching baseball

Spending hours on end on a ballfield on Mother’s Day may not sound ideal to most, but the ones who get it know that it’s about so much more than watching young kids play ball. It’s about the instant bonds you make with families who end up becoming like your own family. It’s being surrounded by people who cheer for your kid louder than you do yourself. It’s about being lucky enough to have a pack of moms who will care for your child in your absence and send you pics and videos of what you are missing when you...

Keep Reading

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

In: Motherhood
Little boy sitting at table talking to adult

I thought the experts were going to fix my child. I didn’t say that out loud. But it was there…quiet, desperate, sitting underneath every question I asked. If I just found the right strategy… If I just understood ADHD well enough… If I just listened hard enough… Maybe the meltdowns would stop. Maybe the chaos would settle. Maybe I would finally feel like I knew what I was doing. So I started asking questions. Over the past year, I’ve had the opportunity to interview ADHD experts (clinicians, researchers, specialists) through my podcast. And I showed up to every conversation like...

Keep Reading

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

In: Motherhood
Child hugging mother

Some moments in motherhood stay with you. First steps. Preschool graduation. A first dance recital. And then there are harder times. The ones that do not make it into photo albums. The moments when the world feels too big and your child feels painfully misunderstood. When you are parenting a child with a disability, those moments tend to find you more often. This day should have felt like a win. My son had just met a goal in therapy. We walked out of his OT’s office smiling, carrying a page full of lopsided circles that had never looked more perfect...

Keep Reading

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

In: Motherhood
Mother holding baby looking sad

I don’t think people truly believe me when I say I came back from the depths of hell after having my son. Birth is often portrayed as pure bliss. The moment a mother holds her baby and instantly falls in love. Life quickly returns to normal. Even in real life, new moms can look like they’ve settled into motherhood with ease. But what no one talks about is the ugly, incredibly hard side of it. Not every mom experiences postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. For some, it really is bliss. But for many of us, it becomes a fight for...

Keep Reading

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

In: Motherhood
Little boy playing with toys on the floor alone

There is a moment nobody warns you about. Not the sleepless nights. Not the feeding schedules. Not the endless cycle of laundry and worry that comes with keeping a tiny human alive. Those parts everyone mentions. The part nobody mentions is the moment you realize your child has started becoming his own person. And you are standing there watching it happen, equal parts proud and completely unprepared. My son is two years old. And lately he has been leaving the room. Not in a concerning way. In a he has somewhere to be kind of way. He will be in...

Keep Reading

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

In: Motherhood
Smiling young woman

I remember the exact moment it hit me. I was talking to a young girl, the kind everyone praises. She was polite, well spoken, respectful. The kind of girl people point to and say, “She’s so confident.” So I asked her a question I knew would reveal more than her smile ever could: “What do you do when something doesn’t feel right?” She froze. Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, almost invisible way. She looked down, shifted her weight, then looked back up at me, searching my face like the answer might be written there. Because she...

Keep Reading

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

In: Motherhood
Woman holding baby's head in hands

After the traumatic birth of my daughter, I searched for others who had experienced vasa previa, but most of what I found were support groups for stillbirth. It’s easy to understand why; vasa previa is one of the most preventable causes of stillbirth, and yet most people, including most pregnant women, have never heard of it. My daughter is almost three years old, and I still carry a complicated guilt about that: why did we get to be the lucky ones? I want to share my story—not to frighten you, but because awareness is the only thing that saves lives...

Keep Reading

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

In: Motherhood
Mother and child silhouette

For most of my life, I believed becoming a stay-at-home mom wasn’t just a choice, it was the ultimate goal. The kind of life a “good” woman was meant to want. The kind of life that meant you were doing things right. I grew up surrounded by that message. In conservative spaces, in church circles, in subtle conversations about what a “real” mother looked like. Women who stayed home were praised. Women who didn’t were quietly questioned. I learned, without ever being directly told, that a mother’s highest purpose was to center her entire world around her children and her...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teenager on phone

I was not prepared to be a mother of teenagers. Sure, I was warned by other parents about the difficult journey I was about to embark on, but I did not expect it to be this challenging. I remember these two sweet, innocent children who wanted to be with me all the time. Now they barely give me the time of day. How did we get here? Like many parents, we long to have that child who once, a long time ago, called us Mommy and Daddy and begged us to read them another story. Where are those kids I...

Keep Reading

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Woman standing over water

Praying for My Son Send a storm to stop him; Let his friends throw him out. May he drop to the deeps, But gently, please, Stubborn though he may be. If it could only take three days, How my mother’s heart would Rejoice in praise.  From the hell you allow him, Let him cry to you. Is not Nineveh and mercy Exactly what he knows He needs— A mercy on enemies He fears You will concede? Please let all the shade wither If his is an angry soul; Humble him and help him follow Where you would have his purpose...

Keep Reading