So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Hi new mom. Old mom here. Yep. I’m a mom currently raising one teen and one pre-teen. It’s a whole new world where I’m at, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten the new world you are in. And if you’ll let me, I’d like to give you some advice.

You see, we are living in a world where everyone seems offended by everything. It’s not healthy. Allowing ourselves to be offended and made to feel victimized is truly a choice. And while I realize my view may not always be the popular view, my view is why I am content and happy in life now. So just in case my view may help you, I’m willing to take on some criticism.

The truth is, not all isolation and victimization in life is intentional. Some is, don’t get me wrong. But let’s take you for example: 

You just gave birth to a human. Your sole purpose for living at this moment is to desperately try to nurture that tiny person’s every need while also remembering and even nurturing your own needs.

It’s hard. Quantitative engineering astrophysics analysis hard. Okay, I made that combination of words up, but it sounds really difficult. And it’s the only combination of words I could figure out to compare to the emotional exhaustion that comes with being a new parent.

So it’s no surprise that you, as a new mom, can easily begin to feel left out, isolated, and even victimized by those who are not currently in your role. And I get it. Heck, I even remember it. But I now have a rebuttal to all those memories . . . 

I remember being frustrated that my friends didn’t intentionally try to include me in their conversations, even when I was right there.

Uh yeah . . . that was because my friends recognized that I was physically and emotionally drained. They didn’t want to create more exhaustion. Just having me there made them happy. Spending time together was all any of us really needed. I just couldn’t see that at the time.

I remember everyone trying to “help” by literally taking my baby from me so I could do other stuff. They got to snuggle and I was supposed to feel like they were doing me some huge favor.

That’s not what I wanted or needed. I needed someone to let me sit and hold my baby while they did my dishes or laundry.

But I never asked, and the natural response from most people is to want to love on your newly created human. After all, cuteness overload! So nobody ever knew that’s what I needed for my emotional stability at that time. I didn’t speak up.

I remember feeling left out when my friends or even family would go out while I was left at home with a baby.

Yeah . . . they had gotten the message loud and clear when I couldn’t go out or had canceled the other times. They weren’t trying to exclude, they were understanding that “going out” meant something very different right now. It meant a lot of work and even more exhaustion.

I remember people saying the wrong things.

I don’t even remember what they said. But I remember feeling like they had “said that to take a jab at me”. They didn’t. People just don’t always know what to say, especially if we don’t tell them that their words or actions hurt us.

I remember people doing the wrong things.

Again, I don’t remember what they did. But I remember feeling like so many were doing so many things wrong. They weren’t helping me. They were hurting me. But again, I said nothing. And I certainly said nothing in love.

I remember keeping it all in and feeling isolated and victimized.

Yeah, that was my own fault. I did that to myself. I didn’t express my feelings or frustrations. I didn’t let people in. I let my new momma emotions run the rest of my emotions. I struggled with separating “mom” and “me”.

I remember nobody saying, “What do you need from me so I can help?

Yeah . . . that one is more for the support people. And that’s what I need to remember to say to new moms like you. But if I don’t, please tell me what you need from me. I do want to support you, love you, and never isolate or victimize you.

Speak up, momma. None of us know exactly what each other needs.

You may also like:

What a New Mom Really Wants When You Visit

To the Mom in the Trenches: Your Time is Coming

Bailey Koch

Bailey Koch is an advocate for those who can't easily advocate for themselves in every way. Married to her hottie hubby, whom has survived 5+ suicide attempts, and mom to two teenage boys, the oldest with High Functioning Autism and youngest with Epilepsy, Bailey is passionate about mental health and parenting through the messy realities. Additionally, Bailey is a Doctor of Special Education and works as an instructor at the University of Nebraska at Kearney preparing future special educators to be advocates for the learning of all. Bailey and her husband, Jeremy, have written and published two books. "Never Alone: A Husband and Wife's Journey with Depression and Faith" details their struggles with severe depression and the journey toward understanding their purpose, accepting help, and finding faith. "When the House Feels Sad: Helping You Understand Depression" is written for families, at a child's level, to open up a conversation about the reality of Depression. Follow their journey, the triumphs and the challenges, on Facebook at and Instagram at @anchoringhopeformentalhealth.

I Would Relive Every Moment of Sorrow Just To Hold You

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding infant, black-and-white photo

As I sat there rocking my child to sleep, I caught my mind wandering to the past. Not my recent past but my before . . . Before my son was born. Before my stressful pregnancy. Before my positive pregnancy test. Before . . . when I was praying every day for a miracle—six years back. Infertility is a messy journey that few (and many at the same time) are chosen to take. It’s lonely and heartbreaking and dark and will make you hate yourself at times. You feel helplessness and anger and despair. RELATED: This is Infertility Your relationships...

Keep Reading

When a Rainbow Baby Meets Mama

In: Baby, Loss, Motherhood
newborn baby on mother's chest

This week, one year ago, was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Fast forward to exactly one year later, and here I am cuddling you, my sweet boy. I never truly understood what “rainbow baby” was all about, but I get it now. Sure, I knew what it meant and what it represented. I had read the articles and heard the stories. I had seen the meaningful images and understood the definition. But I never truly and deeply knew what happens when a rainbow baby meets their mama . . . until you. When a rainbow baby...

Keep Reading

How Do You Know it’s Really the Last Baby?

In: Baby, Motherhood
Selfie of pregnant woman standing next to child, color photo

I love being pregnant. I love everything about it. I am, however, one of the lucky ones who has been blessed with stress-free pregnancies. I get the typical morning sickness in the first trimester and the utter exhaustion in the third trimester, but other than that, it’s just pure enjoyment. I know not everyone has that experience, some have horrific pregnancies, but for me they have all been relatively easy. Trust me, I do know how fortunate I am. I’m currently pregnant with my fourth child. The little man is due this summer. From the very beginning when I first...

Keep Reading

It’s Hard on a Mother’s Heart To Watch Her Last Baby Grow Up

In: Baby, Motherhood
Child walking away in grass

My youngest son turned two a few months ago and still has a binky. He actually calls it his “mimi,” and he loves it so much. This morning I  looked at him with a mimi in his mouth and a mimi in his hand before I walked him into daycare and realized something. I am not ready to let go of the baby stage.  Getting rid of the binky would be the last step of the baby stage. He is already in a big boy bed. He doesn’t want to sit in a high chair for meals. He tries to...

Keep Reading

Some Babies Are Held Only in a Mother’s Heart

In: Baby, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Ultrasound of baby

“Whatever may come and whatever may pass, we have faith that our God will bring us to it and through it.” That’s what I wrote in a post after we announced our third pregnancy. It was the first pregnancy we went public with, but it was the third time we had two positive lines on a pregnancy test. You see, we had miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage. We went from surprised optimism to guarded yearning and finally stolen joy. The first baby was nothing more than a what-if before that test. It was a surprise to two people who loved...

Keep Reading

Because There Were Two

In: Baby, Motherhood
Sonogram image of two babies, black-and-white photo

Because there were two, there were gasps and tears and disbelief. There were spreadsheets developed before you even got home from the initial ultrasound appointment and fears and relentless morning sickness and books to read and endless worries and what-ifs. There were extra ultrasounds and extra fears, extra heartburn and floor plans for extra bedrooms, extra back pain and extra cribs, extra strollers and extra car seats. Because there were two, you will always be outnumbered. There are 20 fingers and 20 toes, too much laundry, and never enough hours. There were missing socks and missing pacifiers, dirty bottles and...

Keep Reading

Finding Wonder in the Waiting of Secondary Infertility

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding toddler son, color photo

Secondary infertility is hard. It’s an all-encompassing phenomenon that hyper focuses your brain on a single goal: another baby. The perplexity of secondary infertility is that you’ve done this before. You fertilized an embryo, carried the growing child within your womb, and delivered your bundle. It was the most challenging and yet seemingly effortless event of your life. Looking back, you wonder how you achieved such an amazing feat without assistance. Now, with Clearblue ovulation tests pouring from your pantry, period trackers abounding, basal body flow charts, and the pineapple (so much pineapple) you are unable to do the one...

Keep Reading

What I Wish Someone Would’ve Told Me About Gender Disappointment

In: Baby, Motherhood
Pregnant couple holding boy or girl sign

I was in the corner of my closet hiding behind my wedding dress and every formal I’ve ever owned. It was dark, stuffy, and felt like a good place to hide. I’d just found out I was having a boy, and I was devastated in ways I didn’t think possible and was trying to hide what I was feeling from the world around me.  What kind of mother isn’t completely enamored with her baby-to-be? Did this make me a monster? I should have been happy. After all, I was having a healthy baby. That’s like winning the lottery. Instead, I...

Keep Reading

The Conversation We’re Forgetting To Have About Birth

In: Baby, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman having a baby man holding her hand

My husband lay sleeping, his head resting on a fluffy, down-stuffed pillow in our hotel room. His bag was packed neatly, ESPN was playing quietly in the background, and he had unopened snacks at his disposal on the end table. Our hotel phone rang, and my husband groggily answered, ”Yes? Oh, sorry. Yeah, we’ll keep it down. Sorry.” He hung up and found me miserable and shaky in the shower, the thin shower curtain clinging to my legs.  “Steph, we got a noise complaint. You have to keep it down!” he whispered. This is not how I expected labor to...

Keep Reading

Bathtime Washes Away the Struggles of the Day

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler

It’s 7 p.m., which means bathtime at our house. I close the drain and fill the tub with warm water. I pump Johnson’s baby soap—the water and soap swirl together and form bubbles. The bubbles dance on top of the water, just waiting to cleanse my baby boy. I toss in your foam alphabet letters, Mr. Shark, and Mr. Penguin.  I place you in the bath and lather baby soap in my hands and give you a soapy mohawk. You are barely one and still my baby, but your four fat teeth make you look older. You chew on the...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!


Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime

Mother Holding Baby

5 Secrets

for New Moms


Encouragement for the newborn stage