If you want to show her just how much she means to you, but you’re not sure exactly how—go ahead and lean in close.

You might be surprised when I tell you it’s not through flowers. Or a spa day. Or brunch in bed. (Although by all means, those are sweet and welcome gestures).

You know what she really wants above all else? Not just on a random Sunday in May, but every day?

Appreciation.

Real, tangible, appreciation—spoken and shown.

Gosh, she does so much.

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“I know she does,” you say. “She does the laundry and dishes and watches over the kids. I’m grateful for that.”

And you DO know . . . at least you think you do.

And you ARE grateful . . . at least you think you are.

You see the stuff on the surface, but so much of what she does is done in the shadows. In the invisible seconds of the day. In the late hours of the night when everyone else is sleeping, and you assume she is, too.

But she’s not.

Because that lunch needs to be made.

Those socks don’t find the hamper themselves.

The baby’s weird rash won’t miraculously disappear without her late-night Googling for remedies.

That favorite stuffed animal isn’t ready for snuggling if she doesn’t throw it into the dryer.

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The kids’ craft project isn’t finished without some serious guidance.

Your favorite dinner doesn’t get made without special thought as she writes out the grocery list.

The toddler doesn’t just suddenly start using the toilet.

Boo-boos and tears aren’t mended without a special kind of touch.

That mac ‘n’ cheese caked onto the high chair doesn’t scrape itself into the trash can.

Life doesn’t just HAPPEN.

Not without her.

All of the tiny details you may not even realize exist are cared for because she is there.

And she knows you work hard, too.

She knows you spend long hours and make sacrifices with her in mind.

But she doesn’t feel seen for all of the little things that make the house run and the family happy and the world go ‘round.

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So this year, for Mother’s Day (better yet—EVERY day) . . .

Notice.

Step in.

Take part of her load without her asking or hinting or mumbling under her breath.

Pause.

Look around.

See her tireless efforts in every nook and cranny of your life, because that’s where they are.

Tell her you see her—really, truly SEE her—and never stop telling her.

I promise, that’s everything she really wants.

This post originally appeared on Bouncing Forward with Casey Huff