My dearest babies,
This thing called motherhood has been so much more than I imagined.
More self doubt.
A LOT of doubt.
Daily I wonder if I’m enough.
Enough love, enough comfort, enough mom to give you each what you deserve.
I’m your mom, your chaperone, your keeper of the schedule, your snack maker, your hugs, your guidance, and your example. Whew! It’s a lot.
It’s not that you’re not worth it. Oh no, sweet babies, you’re worth it ALL!
What’s a lot is my feeling that I’m constantly failing you. You see, I stretch myself so thin between this idea of the “perfect mom” I need to be. The wife I need to be better at. The employee I need to work harder toward. And now the student who needs to succeed.
These goals are ridiculous. I would never hold anyone up to goals as high as I put for myself. But, you my sweet babies deserve it.
In these lonely hours in the night, I question my worth and doubt my abilities to be the momma you both deserve.
So I pray.
And that’s where I find peace.
For my Father knows my heart and loves me anyway. So I must love me, too.
I hope you will always see my love is unconditional regardless of your mood or temper.
I hope you will always see that my Pinterest intended projects that are just not perfect have a lot of love behind them.
I hope you see that I am proud of you regardless of if you succeed or fail . . . you tried.
I hope you see when I have to choose homework over playing, you learn that goals are so important to set and that you are worth success.
I hope you see my failures, and when I try again you learn that it’s OK to not be perfect, just learn from it.
I hope you see me love your father and have a grateful heart for those who support you.
I hope you see the kindness we must show everyone, even those we don’t think deserve it.
If I can teach you these lessons, my sweet babies, then I will feel like I have rightfully raised you in the way of the Lord.
So while I feel like I am failing more days than not, I will give myself grace.
I hope that you see that and give yourself grace, too.
Your ever failing but loving momma
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