It’s not you . . . it’s me.
When I lose my temper and raise my voice a decibel louder than intended, I desperately want to tell you—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
When I say the thing I immediately wish I could take back and I see the hurt in your eyes, I pray you see, baby girl—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
When I use kind words and a gentle voice with your baby sister, and in the same breath only offer you impatience and exasperation, I desperately want you to know— it’s not you (or her) . . . it’s me.
When I’m not considerate with the words I speak about you while you are in the room, please hear me when I say—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
When I ask daddy to tuck you in because I can’t take one more minute, sweet girl, rest assured—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
When I need a minute, an hour, or even a day to myself away from this chaos of life, I pray you understand—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
You see, sweet girl, when you look at me, all you see is your mama. And I love that about you—you see me with such innocent eyes. But the thing is . . . I am so much more than that. I am also a wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I am an employee, a volunteer, and a life-long learner. I am a sinner, but also a servant of God. And each of these roles, these responsibilities I carry, they can make life complicated sometimes.
In other words, I am human.
And I make mistakes. A lot of them.
And on the days when I’m pushed too far or stretched too thin in the other roles of my life, I fall short with you. I fall short as a mama.
I lose my temper.
I raise my voice.
I use unkind words.
I treat you unfairly.
I am inconsiderate.
I am impatient.
I am selfish.
And unfortunately, it is likely that someday you will understand. You will know what it feels like to feel this way. And if nothing else, I pray it will help you see my heart for you a little more clearly.
But until then, sweet girl, please know—it’s not you . . . it’s me.
Previously published on the author’s blog
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