So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

My Dear Daughters,

I don’t know how to have friends.

I try to help you navigate through the social maze of girls your age. But I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just as lost as you are.

I’ve always been well-liked. I’m quiet, even-tempered, and I avoid conflicts. Throughout school, I was friendly with everyone. I loved to socialize, joke and laugh, and have a great time with the people around me.

But my friendships never extended beyond that. The other girls were happy to let me join in on the fun when I was around, but they never sought me out.

I always had best friends. Girls I’d confide in, the ones I wanted to spend my time with. But I was never their best friend. They always confided in another girl. They always preferred to spend their time with someone else.

I’ll revisit my past. In elementary school, I thought we were mutual best friends. Then I heard stories every Monday about her fun weekend with her two best friends, and I knew I was wrong.

My best friend from middle school moved away for a few years, and we kept in touch. But then I saw her hanging out with a different friend before she told me she was back in town.

I went to a private high school and my two best friends lived in the opposite direction from school. They had a whole circle of friends that didn’t include me.

In college, I commuted and my friends lived at school. They saw each other a lot more than they saw me.

I remember every one of these best friends. I remember the good times during the day. Chatting, joking, meeting up. I also remember the nights and weekends without them. And their fun stories the next morning.

Maybe I was too quiet. Maybe I didn’t open up enough. Or maybe I talked too much and didn’t listen to their stories. Perhaps I didn’t ask enough questions. Or I asked too many. Maybe I let go of them too easily, or I held on too tight.

I honestly don’t know. Maybe they just didn’t like me.

Whatever it was, my best friends always had other best friends.

My daughters, I wish I could guide you with confidence through the maze of mean girls, cool girls, and nerds. I wish I could pass on the secret to lifelong friendship. But I can’t. I can only guess and try, like I’ve done all my life.

I hope you succeed. I hope you have a best friend. A friend you love who loves you back. But if you don’t, it’s ok.

I want you to know friends aren’t everything.

I may not have friends, but I still have so much love in my life. I have my family. We’ve been close and we’ve been far, but they’ve always been there. They have other best friends, too. And that’s ok.

I have God. I don’t always hear Him, but He always hears me.

I have you. My children, who taught me I have more love in my heart than I ever thought possible.

And I have my husband, your dad. He’s my best friend, and I’m his. And it’s an amazing thing.

And you have all of these things, too. God will always hear you. Your brother and sister will always be there for you. And your dad and I will always love you.

I’ll help you through the maze of friends as best I can. I’ll muddle through with you. And if we fail, we’ll fail together.

And we’ll still be ok. Because we have each other.

And I love you more than you’ll ever know.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Leah Rogers

Hi, I'm Leah. I love being a mom! And I'm here to share tips from my experience and education to help you be the best mom you can be. 

It Hurts Seeing My Kid as a B-List Friend

In: Friendship, Kids, Teen
Teen girl sitting alone on a dock

Kids everywhere are celebrating, or will be celebrating soon. They will be playing outside, enjoying warm summer days, bike rides with friends, and maybe even sleepovers. It’s summer—it’s fun, right? Sure, it is. And sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it isn’t fun for the kids you least expect it from. We have that issue, and I knew it was building for the past few weeks with our teenage daughter. She was moody (moodier than normal). Short tempered. Obviously frustrated, but not ready to talk about it. But it was when she came home on the last day of school, in tears,...

Keep Reading

Extroverted Moms Are Lonely Too

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Little girl kissing mother outside

I became a mom six years ago. Since the beginning of my motherhood journey, everyone mentioned the importance of finding a village and creating relationships. I was told how lonely motherhood could be at times and that searching for the right people to grow as a parent would be beneficial. What nobody prepared me for was the lack of extroverted mothers out there. I have always considered myself friendly and outgoing. Even though I really make time for my self-care and alone time, being surrounded by others and having conversations and days out is crucial for me. Part of my...

Keep Reading

The Power of One Friend Who Gets You

In: Friendship, Living
Handwritten note from BFF, color photo

When I was 10, my biggest concern in life was making the soccer team. My best friend Joie’s was saving the environment. When I was 15, I spent sleepless nights wondering if my new crush would ask me to the school dance. And Joie . . . well, she would spend sleepless nights telling me about the inequitable state of our society. When I was 22, I was knee-deep in my first career with my sights set on conquering the world of journalism. Joie joined the Peace Corps and boarded a plane to Namibia, Africa—her sights set on changing the...

Keep Reading

This Is How to Show Up for a Friend Who Has Cancer

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Bald woman during cancer treatments and same woman in remission, color photo

One moment I was wrestling with my toddler and rocking my 3-month-old to sleep, and the next I was staring blankly at the doctor who just told me I had stage four cancer that had metastasized from my uterus to my left lung and spleen. “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I smiled at the young doctor who had clearly never given this kind of news to anyone before. I looked over at my husband’s shell-shocked face as he rocked our baby back and forth in the baby carrier because I was still nursing, and we knew we’d be at...

Keep Reading

5 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

In: Friendship, Living
Woman standing by window looking down at phone

I recently found myself losing a friend. We’d been friends for five years, had countless playdates, went out for girls’ nights, and even our hubbies became buds. Sadly, she felt our friendship was over. This stirred in my heart memories of a few other friendships in my life that have ended. A couple I had to walk away from, and a couple I felt the pain of being let go. Whatever side you’re on, if you’ve been through it, you know how hurtful, confusing, and frustrating it is when a friendship ends. As I was navigating this suddenly strained friendship,...

Keep Reading

I’m a Mom Now But I Still Need My Friends

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Group of women in restaurant, smiling, color photo

Hi friend, I have kids now . . . and you don’t. But what you might not know is that I need you more than ever.  I swore I’d never be that friend once I had kids. I swore it would be different. (Ah, the fibs we tell ourselves before having kids.) Yes, there are stories of how children change everything—all true. The old song and dance of she changed so much once she had a baby—reluctantly, true. Or sometimes, she never has time anymore—sadly, also true.  RELATED: Friendship Changes When One of You Has a Baby What I need you...

Keep Reading

I’m a Recovering People-Pleaser

In: Friendship, Living
Child at a birthday party, old, color photo

I’ve heard it said that when God gives you a new beginning, it starts with an ending. Hi, I’m Krystal, and I’m a recovering people-pleaser.  Maybe it was my parents’ divorce or the changes that came with it, but as a child, I somehow went from the girl who (literally) beat up the block bully for picking on my fragile neighbor to a 35-year-old woman with a shaking voice, afraid to speak my mind—even in the most ridiculous situations. I frequently think back on the time I fought the neighborhood bully. The boy I hit was grades older and much...

Keep Reading

It’s My Turn to Be the Hander of Hand-Me-Downs

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Bags of hand-me-down clothes, color photo

I slosh through the snow-covered sidewalk toward my neighbor’s house with two brown Target bags in my hands. In each bag sits folded winter clothing, most notably a generous stack of fuzzy footie pajamas that no longer fit our youngest without his protruding belly pushing back on the zipper. I look down as I make my way to their house, not only due to the slippery terrain but to allow myself the last few minutes to say goodbye to these items. A moment of silence for this phase of parenting coming to an end.  A few days earlier, I decided...

Keep Reading

10 Things Your Special Needs Mom Friend Might Not Be Telling You

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Woman with head in hands

Two years ago, my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome—a progressive genetic disorder characterized by the inability to speak, loss of purposeful hand use, seizures, feeding problems, and breathing issues. Many things in my life changed drastically after this, but I was perhaps most taken aback by one thing—how much my existing friendships were affected. If you have a friend who is a special needs mother, odds are there are certain things she wishes you understood about her life. The following list of hidden truths is certainly not exhaustive or representative of every parent’s situation. But it might give...

Keep Reading

Don’t Call, Text (and Other Things You Need to Know about Me As Your Mom Friend)

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
3 moms holding babies on a couch

This is the kind of mom I am right now. Don’t talk to me during gymnastics class or swim class—this is my quiet time, and I am either getting a break from life or catching up on texts and emails or looking up the hours of the trampoline park for our next playdate. My Notes app is filled with grocery list upon grocery list. I have developed systems to stay sane. When grocery shopping, I get the one item I need first rather than last because too many times I forget the one thing I need and can’t make dinner....

Keep Reading