The Beginning of the End

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

Endings are tough. Sometimes we view them as the symbol of something new, but most of the time, when we think of the end, we think of loss, fear, and we most likely have a huge dose of anxiety about the thought of change. Then, to take it a step further, there is not only the end but there’s that very difficult first step one must take – to walk through the door to the space of the beginning of the end.

The beginning of the end represents that tipping point, that moment when a little voice in our head says “I think a change is near” or you’ve gotten fed up and have finally allowed the words “I can’t do this anymore” occupy space in your everyday thoughts. Once these thoughts start – the end is near.

I remember the various points in my career I would wake up and go to work every morning, just like I always did, and then one day for whatever reason I started to think that maybe there was something different for me and it was time to start exploring it. It was at those moments when I experienced the little twitch in my gut, that feeling of the beginning of the end. It represented the moment when I started to visualize myself doing a different job, having a different routine and then, one day, I started to visualize myself not married anymore and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.

Getting to that point where I let the thoughts of not being married anymore come into my head and actually let them stay there was one of the most frightening parts of the long process of ending my marriage. Denial, fear, blame, excuses, and straight-out fairy tales were the things that swirled around my head as I tried to convince myself that “it’s ok, it’s just a phase, everything will be OK.” I spent a lot of time repeating these words to myself until one day – I stopped. I replaced it with “I can’t do this anymore”combined with a smudge of courage and for me, that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.

Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to jolt us out of our mental state – to stop that tape recorder playing over and over again in our mind because deep down we know we are telling ourselves lies but we don’t have the strength to let anything else in, especially the truth, especially when the truth is ugly and scary.

In my essay featured in the book “Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It,” I share my story about how reading “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert back in 2008 was that jolt I didn’t know I desperately needed to finally be honest with myself that the beginning of the end of my marriage was right at my feet during a time that I just didn’t want to see it. I was stuck in the “everything will be fine” phase. I was stuck there for about a year and I was trying so hard to stay there – to hope and think everything was going to be fine – but it wasn’t.

When I received my advance copy of the book, I immediately started to read through the other essays from my fellow contributors and I was absolutely amazed by the resilience, strength and courage these writers displayed and were willing to share it. I read story after story of different ways that people used the words from this book to create change in their lives in many different aspects. Careers, toxic relationships, where they lived – the stories went on page after page, I was amazed and I was honored to be part of it.

This beautiful book is 43 stories of our journey to the “Beginning of the End.” The moment when we realized there was something else out there for us and that we didn’t have to live life the way we were living it anymore. The hardest part of the process of ending something and having the courage to change it is admitting that the end is near. Deciding it’s time to finally take that leap, make a change, let words fall off your lips that you never thought possible:

I quit.

I’m leaving.

I want more.

I don’t love you.

I’m moving.

I’m changing.

When you’re standing at the beginning of the end, there is no road map to what is next. It’s a yellow brick road and there is no “Fairy God Mother” in sight telling you everything is going to be OK. Nothing. It’s only you and the ideas of what could possibly lie head and that in itself can be the scariest feeling of all.

For me, that meant picturing life as a single mom with two young daughters, one still in diapers. It meant not even knowing what it would look like, where we would live, would I be able to make it on my own after not being on my own for 17 years? I knew nothing about how things were going to turn out, all I knew at that moment in the fall of 2008, I was in the midst of the beginning of the end.

You can read Tracie’s entire essay along with all of the other inspirational stories in the new book “Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It.” Available now wherever books are sold.

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Tracie Cornell

Tracie is a writer, blogger, and corporate sales and leadership trainer. A native of Buffalo NY, she lives there with her husband and 15 and 11 year old daughters. She has been a facilitator for 19 years while also pursuing her passion for writing, coaching and sharing her story of divorce, loss, and a cancer diagnosis all with the goal of connecting with other women to help them through all of life transitions. When she is not writing, traveling for work, and carpooling, she can be found at yoga, on a bike trail, or sitting in a local cafe sipping a latte while on her laptop. She loves dinners out with her husband and friends and is constantly thinking of where their next vacation will be. Along with being a regular feature writer on HER VIEW FROM HOME - a lifestyle magazine that connects your view to the rest of the world, she is also a contributor on the Huffington Post Lifestyle and Divorce sections. Tracie has an essay, "Getting Back to Me" in the anthology "EAT PRAY LOVE MADE ME DO IT", the follow-up book to Elizabeth Gilberts's bestselling novel where she describes how she found the strength to start taking care of herself as her marriage was falling apart. The book is available now on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Find her at tracielynncornell.com where you can also find how to connect with her on social media.

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

In: Grief

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I found that to be most true when my grandma passed. Like many grandmas, she was the best. She was kind and tender, but firm when she needed to be. She gave her time freely and used her baking talent to bless others. She had little and needed little, yet she had a way of drawing people together. There wasn’t a day I can remember when someone didn’t call her or stop by. She seemed to have all the answers and somehow knew how to fix almost any problem....

Keep Reading

My Parents Will Never See This Face

In: Grief

Woman with sunglasses shown in rear view mirror

You’ve had that moment, right? That moment when you don’t recognize the woman standing in front of you. Her hair is grayer. The skin around her eyes is a bit darker. Even without noticing the small details, that face is different. It’s aged. And as I stared at her yesterday afternoon, all dolled up and nowhere to go, it dawned on me: My parents will never see this version of me. My mom will never get to see hands that look like hers. She’ll never recognize the wrinkles or the sun spots. My father-in-law joked about gray hair with my...

Keep Reading

The Due Date that Never Comes

In: Grief, Loss, Miscarriage

It is not often talked about. I completely understand why, but when going through something so heartbreaking and devastating, women shouldn’t have to suffer alone or in silence. If you’ve gone through it, you probably already know what I’m referring to – miscarriage. It is the reason many couples don’t tell people they are expecting until after the first trimester. It is so unfortunately common that one in four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. According to the National Institutes of Health, 15-20 percent of pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and it is the most common pregnancy complication...

Keep Reading

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

In: Grief, Living

Black and white photo of older man in garden

I was never meant to be a plant person. I’m the woman who can kill a succulent on the way home from the store. Once, a fern sighed in my direction and gave up. That is my spiritual gift. My grandpa Dominic would have laughed—hard. He loved to laugh. And sing hymns passionately in Italian. He was an Italian immigrant who lost his arm working in a mill, and still, he woke up every morning and dressed like dignity itself. He shopped for my grandma. He fixed what was broken. And he tended the biggest, happiest garden you’ve ever seen....

Keep Reading

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

In: Grief

Woman with mother smiling in older photo

Recently, whenever I look in the mirror, I see a strong resemblance to my mother. People always said I looked like her, but I never really saw it until now. I think it may be because you always think of your parents as being older than you are. At the age of 61, I am now only two years away from the age my mother was when she died. The only good thing about dying young is that everyone will remember you that way. I have only known my mom as the vibrant, personable, and active woman she was. Well,...

Keep Reading

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Editor’s note: This post discusses child loss Child loss changes Mother’s Day. My 19-month-old, Julia, died suddenly on Mother’s Day in 2024. Three months later, her autopsy revealed she had B-cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (B-ALL, also known as SUDNIC). Julia died a week after we did an embryo transfer at an IVF clinic in an attempt to have a second child. We found out three days after Julia’s death that the embryo did not make it either. Six months later, we did another embryo transfer that succeeded, and I now have an 8-month-old daughter, Lucy Mei (“Mei Mei” means “little...

Keep Reading

I Miss Having Parents

In: Grief

Grown daughter posing between smiling parents

I have been living with the ache of loss for so long that I truly don’t remember what it feels like not to carry it. Sometimes it rests quietly beneath my ribs, dormant and almost polite. Other times it rises without warning—on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of a coffee line—and cuts straight through me. Today, it was a song. I was waiting for my coffee when “Pictures of You” by The Cure drifted through the café speakers. I hadn’t heard it in 20 years. In my twenties, it meant heartbreak—young love unraveling, relationships ending before they were...

Keep Reading

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

In: Grief

Nobody tells you that when you lose a sibling, your entire childhood flashes before your eyes. There’s no better witness to what you experienced growing up than that one person who was standing nearby for all of it. And when they’re gone, a part of that childhood and a part of that story goes with them, because it was only ever known between the two of you. There’s no last chance to say, “Remember when?” or to laugh about the things that made you laugh to tears together, a million times at the kitchen table. There’s no last conversation about...

Keep Reading

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

In: Grief

I survived losing my father after his long, grueling battle with cancer. It was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. I had a front row seat to watch cancer pick him apart piece by piece. When you lose a parent, you lose a part of yourself. They say time heals all wounds, but you never stop missing the good ones, and there are days when it feels like it just happened. By the grace of God, I survived, but I will always miss my father. Then, almost a decade later, I lost the career that helped me...

Keep Reading

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

In: Grief

During the weeks we cared for my grandmother in hospice, survival mode felt necessary. There were medications to track. Visitors to update. Logistics to manage. I remember sitting on the couch that served as my makeshift bed and listening to the rhythmic hissing and puffing of the oxygen machine one night. While my mom showered off the day, I texted my sister updates and sent my husband a quick message of love. I could still smell the lavender candle we had lit earlier in the day to mask medical scents. The house was quiet, but my mind wasn’t. I was...

Keep Reading

God Made Me Glittery

Faith

God Made Me Glittery

To The Stranger Annoyed By My Son: Age Three Is Wonderful

Humor

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Tracie Cornell

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

The Beginning of the End

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like