It’s a good thing we weren’t fighting when I found my husband’s “note to self.” He uses an app to make task lists with notes. I have access to it. It had actually been quite awhile since I perused it. Usually when I look through such notebooks, I find endearing things about his favorite hobbies. Imagine my surprise when mixed in with “plant tomatillo” was a task called “write priorities.” I wonder what that is? 

“Work on controlling Adrienne. Make her earn things too. The cheddar factory is closed. Maybe I should flip my direct deposit and put most in Chase.”

His Chase account is one that I do not have access to. 

Truly I was blown away. There were other pretty terrible notes detailing my flaws, but this one was the most startling. “Work on controlling Adrienne.” 

I’m not much of a feminist or anything, but seriously, who writes that? It’s bad enough to think like that, but to actually commit it to cyber paper and save it? 

Over and over again it’s run through my head. “Work on controlling Adrienne.”

I immediately confronted him. “What is this?!” 

Maybe it’s because I wasn’t raised under a rock. Or maybe it’s because I was raised watching Lifetime: Television for Women. Controlling anyone is bad, but once upon a time not that long ago controlling women was real thing. I thought most of our culture determined that it was a very bad thing. Here my husband is declaring that I needed to be controlled. 

My husband completely shrugged the note off. “I was angry and ranting.” 

But he actually put forth the effort to document it! He could have at least deleted it!

My husband grew up without Disney which is sad, but apparently he also grew up in a home where social issues were not addressed. He honestly thinks that I’m over reacting. He thinks that it’s an innocent rant, the result of some fight. Controlling a woman is not an innocent rant. Really, to anyone that knows me it’s pretty laughable in the first place. I can’t even imagine what controlling me looks like. 

When I confronted him I asked him if he realized that we live in a community property state. Legally it’s not his money anyway. He can squirrel away whatever he wants but in the divorce he won’t get to keep it. Of course he doesn’t want a divorce so I’m unsure of his logic in remaining married while controlling his wife and cutting her off. Really he didn’t think this through. Eventually I was going to find that note. It actually only took a couple weeks. 

Truly the whole situation is a mystery to me. I wish I knew what fight it was that sparked this little outburst. Not that it matters. We have more going into savings each month than a minimum wage worker earns, yet he is constantly panicking about money. Perhaps it’s because that rock he was raised under was well stocked. There were no worries there. The bills were always paid, there was always food on the table, and plenty left over. I grew up on welfare. The bills were never paid, and the food was mostly junk. I was an angel tree kid. I know what it’s like to want. I know that any family that can save more than a fast food worker earns after the bills are paid is not on the verge of bankruptcy. 

A smart woman would hedge her bets. A smart woman would ensure access to her money. But I confess, I’m not that smart. If we save less, and have more cash flow today, we will never retire, which defeats the goals of our marriage. If my husband continues to be this panicky about money there may not be an “us” to enjoy the rewards of sacrificing today. 

Wish us luck. 

Adrienne Jones

Adrienne Jones is a clueless newlywed trying to navigate adulthood. While she has been "playing" grownup for more than a decade,she realizes she really doesn't know much of anything about anything especially men. She is a hopeless dog-lover with two beautiful rescues called Maverick and Goose. As it turns out, they are hopelessly devoted to their daddy, and with good cause because he spoils them rotten. As a family hobby the Jones' open their home to foster various dogs waiting for a new start. Conveniently located in the west, the family lives for adventure and basks in the glory of all that God created through hiking and camping. Professionally Adrienne feels like a bonified member of the Island of Misfits. She has a degree in Emergency Management and is a licensed helicopter pilot. Over-educated and unemployed, she is living the American dream.