I giggled to myself as I read the texts. It was like a child having a tantrum. It culminated in the declaration “I hate you.” “Whoa!” I thought to myself. That is quite the declaration. It didn’t even hurt it was so outrageous.
What did hurt was when my husband told me that we don’t get along. I was dumbfounded. What exactly is his definition of getting along in a marriage relationship? My husband is my best friend. I would like to point out that I am his only friend making me his best friend by default. I adore my husband. He has become my whole world. The good times are so good. We have a beautiful family and a bright future (if he is willing to get there).
But of course we have problems. I married a very unique man. He grew up in an environment with zero conflict. He never once knew even the slightest hardship. He wasn’t spoiled, but he was absolutely provided for. His college education was paid for, and since he was generally introverted, he never learned how to deal with people. He never worked a minimum wage job that taught him some very basic life skills, and he certainly never learned how to be handy. For a girl from the west that is quite shocking. More importantly he never had the heartfelt guidance of a father to help him navigate much of anything. It was all academics all the time.
I had a childhood I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Okay, maybe my worst enemy. I knew conflict and poverty and humanity.
Talk about a wake up call when my shy, nerdy husband married a woman famous for speaking before she thinks.
His worldview is not something that I can relate to. A number of months ago I found him a mentor. I was hoping that by having a male sounding board that he could navigate this life. Being his babysitter, mother, father, secretary and wife just became too exhausting. What happens at those weekly meetings is a total mystery to me. It’s “man time.” Yet, I haven’t seen any fruit. His mentor is a man whose three children are all pastors. I know that I couldn’t ask for a better man friend for my husband. As long as he insists it’s “man time” I have to hope that something important is going on.
Since my husband has never wanted for anything it’s tough for him to understand that silver linings exist, and there is that promise of the rainbow at the end of the storm. Like any young career family, we aren’t bank rolling. We have had major unexpected set backs in the last year. What I know is that we have a (15 year) plan and I have confidence in that plan. It may be a winding road but we will get there. He has zero confidence in us. He has zero confidence that silver linings or rainbows exist.
Finally I told him he needs to choose to be positive about our relationship. In his head we are on a sinking ship. He is actively speaking that into life by this horrible self talk.
Yes, we have problems. I bet you have problems in your marriage too. But my husband is my very best friend and my whole world. Do I want to punch him in the face and throw him out the window sometimes? Oh yeah. He has some serious shortcomings (so do I). Would I want to experience life without him? Not even for one single day.
Follow our journey at I’d Rather Eat a Cookie.