Not Sure If She’ll Join Your Girls Night Out? Invite Her Anyway.

Who doesn’t love dinner out with friends? Maybe some tacos with a slice of cheesecake at the end with lots of laughter and witty or heartfelt conversation. It’s the best. But I’m going to point out something you may not realize. There are people out there you are forgetting to include, and it’s probably not on purpose.

You know your really good friend who’s divorced? When you went out for a group couples dinner, did you think to invite her? What about your other friend whose husband is gone for several months on business and who both usually join your dinner group? Did you think to invite her this month, or did you leave her out because she wouldn’t be part of a pair? What about your friend who is single but is the wittiest conversationalist you’ve ever known? Did you ever think to include her?

When my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law really struggled because all those dinner dates she and her husband would go on with lifelong friends? She was no longer included. Her group of friends still got together every week, but she was no longer part of the group because she wasn’t part of a couple.

I have experienced this phenomenon many times as my husband has been deployed or gone for training with the Army or away for work for months and over a year at a time. At first, it used to badly upset me. How could my good friends go out and not invite me? Why? What did I do?

Slowly it dawned on me. It wasn’t about me. It was about not being part of a pair. It often wasn’t even on purpose. My name didn’t even cross their minds because I was missing my other half.

I made my peace with it over the years. And then my 16-year-old daughter found out our friend group was going out to dinner without me earlier this year while my husband was on a two-month stint out of town for work. She was livid that I wasn’t invited and she told her friend, whose parents were one of the couples, that this was wrong and that her parents had to invite me. I tried to explain that this was just how things usually worked.

A couple hours later I received a phone call: Would I like to join everyone for dinner? They were already at the restaurant.

When we’re planning our nights out, can we be a little more inclusive? Invite that widow, single, never married, or temporarily alone person to be part of the group. They’ll be so grateful for a night out with friends. If you’re worried they don’t have babysitting or might be uncomfortable, let them be the judge of that. It might not be possible or something they feel comfortable doing, but allowing them to decide for themselves is true friendship.