Now Hope

A friend of mine shared some wonderful news with me about a month ago. It was such good, good news. The prayerfully sought kind of news. She was wholeheartedly excited and giddy. With an extra spring in her step. And I found myself getting red, flushed and hot. And although I smiled, my heart and mind were feeling something else.

Not envy.

Not jealousy.

Not unhappiness.

Not begrudging.

Confusion.

She had hope. 

I’m an oldest child, analytical in nature. Often, I pride myself in being pragmatic. I seek calculated risks. I love to adjudicate wise decisions. When things go wrong, I make a list of the decisions I made to somehow avoid them in the future.

For in this hope we were saved.

I like cause and effect.

If life has taught me anything, it is how little control we actually have in it. As someone who loves control, I cover my ears to the truth like a toddler, still focusing on the ‘important’ decisions at hand.

It is often an exhausting way to live. I often picture God introducing me as His child;”Be careful with this one, she loves deeply but she’ll calculate the risks of it. She protects herself. If you are rough she will will bite back. But oh how she loves. She really loves. She just struggles to hope..”

Now hope that is seen is not hope.

While I haven’t led a struggled life, I have struggled in life. I wait for the other shoe to drop. Just when I think I am doing life like everyone else, God gently, lovingly, shakes the rug out from underneath. And I flounder. Trying to calculate what went wrong, while God just lovingly whispers Just hope my child, just hope. 

For who hopes for what he sees?

I want to see, smell, touch, hear and taste….hope. But often it’s just A Hope. When the puzzle pieces do not fit, hope is trusting in the Maker of the puzzle, not in my ability to make the confusing puzzle pieces fit. Hope in the unseen. And often it baffles me.

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Sometimes that beautiful waiting for hope looks likes good news from a friend. A friend who seems to have a skip in her step and song of hope in her heart. Letting the “What ifs” fade into the backdrop of a melody so beautiful it drowns out fear. 

And though confusing, you will learn to sing it with her.

Until you learn your own song of hope.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

-Romans 8:24-25-

*****

“It’s hard to recall what blew out the flame
It’s been dark here since you can remember
Talk it all through to find it a name
As days go on by without number

You’ve been here for a long long time

But hope has a way of turning its face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room, you look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless

You say to yourself
It’s been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope….”

‘It Might Be Hope‘  

by Sara Groves