A month or so back we discovered that we are having one more little bundle. We already have four kiddos so this new and very unexpected baby will make five children. What??!! Yeah, I’m even shocked at the words as they leave my dry mouth.

When we first found out that I am pregnant, some crazy emotions crept in. The big one that took over my thoughts and caused me some anxiety was my age. I am 35 years old. I know, I know…I’m not old. BUT I’m not young either. My first three children were born in my twenties and when number four came along I was 32. Let me tell you something- the whole experience was different. Like, more aches and pains, more weird hormones, more emotional breakdowns, more binge-eating. Seriously, getting pregnant over 30 is not for the faint of heart.

Now that I’m halfway to 40, my take on pregnancy is a little bit different and I thought I’d inform you of what my body thinks is normal these days. (Get ready for a chuckle. Or a hearty laugh if you find yourself in the same boat.) And yes, this will be TMI for some! Someone pass the Nutella!

  1. I pee my pants all the time. Without jumping. Without having a full bladder. It just happens. I’ve had four kids, guys. My organs are so stretched out from where they are supposed to be that I don’t think they even remember how to get back to their original state. Apparently, I’m in good company because I researched my little leakage problem and, according to WebMD, “During pregnancy, many women experience at least some degree of urinary incontinence.” Some??
  2. I’m only in the first trimester and I’m already showing. It’s not the cute little baby bump yet, either. It’s a “Did she start drinking a six pack every night?” kind of pooch. I always used to be the pregnant girl that didn’t look pregnant until she was about to pop. Now, I’m the pregnant girl that looks like she has a drinking problem. (FYI- I miss my wine with dinner every night! My hubby won’t let me have any- Bad Hubby!)
  3. I only want food that is bad for me. I generally ate healthy in my other pregnancies except for one or two dominant cravings per kid. With my first two boys, I craved chocolate peanut butter ice cream from this particular frozen custard shop. With my two girls, I craved all things Mexican food. This time, at the very beginning of this trek, I’m craving ALL THINGS! Sweet, (frosted flakes) salty, (greasy bacon) and sour (pickles and olives). Can someone give me the number to their personal trainer? I’m going to need it after this baby comes!
  4. I have a crazy strong sense of smell. If my husband is grilling out with charcoal in the backyard, I can smell it upstairs in the bedroom with the door closed. I’m sniffing out things that should never be sniffed, too. Just the other day I got into the car and I smelled something very acidic. I searched high and low and alas, I found the putrid culprit- my son’s sticky socks that apparently he left in the car after soccer practice. They had been in there for a few days and no one else had smelled them. Yeah, just call me Rover.
  5. Lastly, my boobs are killing me. I have NEVER had such pain in my chest region until I started breastfeeding and at least then someone cute was sucking the life out of me. They hurt if you even look at them and, honestly, I have been looking at them because they’ve already grown a size! What the heck? I’m experiencing third trimester symptoms at 8 weeks along? At least my husband doesn’t have to wait the whole nine months for a busty wife this time… #smallboobedgirl

I’ve kept it real for you ladies and I hope that my list of middle-age pregnancy symptoms comforts you in some way. Maybe you, too, are over 30 and pregnant. You’re not alone and you can make it through this (I laugh at myself daily!). Maybe you had your children young and are done procreating. I envy your body’s elasticity! Or maybe, you are over 40 and have been where I am. Please give me some words of wisdom to lighten my load (literally!). God only knows what He was doing when He allowed this late surprise into my life. But, then again, He always DOES know what He’s doing, doesn’t He? Come springtime, I’ll forget all the uncomfortable details anyways.

Harmony Vuycankiat

Harmony is a proud Air Force wife and blessed mother of 4 children. Her heart’s cry is to love without limits and live without regrets. She plans to use her criminal justice degree to tangibly help marginalized women and children all over the world. Writing, singing, and running are her methods of soul therapy and Starbucks coffee is her happy juice. The quote that she lives by is, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I’ve used everything you gave me.’ ” (Erma Bombeck)