Remembering these moments

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After eight weeks at home, I go back to my full-time job today.

I thought after spending two months at home with a newborn that I would be ready to go back to work. I was pretty certain I would get stir-crazy and that I would look forward to returning to my routine. But I’m not. Excluding sleeping, I have only spent a maximum of two hours away from my baby boy. Imagining spending eight to nine hours a day without him is agonizing and breaks my heart.

But because this day has come, I have come to treasure every moment with my little guy – even the moments that are mundane, tiresome or gross. The time has flown by so fast, and I want to remember every tiny moment before this little baby grows up.

I want to remember the way he smells; sweet like warm milk and baby soap.

I want to remember the way he grunts when he wakes up, and how he will only open one eye, earning him the nickname of little pirate.

I want to remember the little sighs and groans he makes as he falls asleep.

I want to remember the warm, solid weight of him as he curls up on my chest and dozes off. And I want to remember that I held him for as long as I wanted, even if I knew I should probably put him down for a nap.

I want to remember his strong grip, and the way he would grasp my finger or collar of my shirt.

I want to remember the hard times and the scary times; when he screamed for an entire afternoon, and I called my husband, trying to hold back my tears as he calmed me down and helped me find ways to soothe our baby.

I want to remember how all of a sudden my voice brought out smiles and giggles from my sweet boy, and how time would speed by as I made goofy faces at him, sang him songs and read him books.

I want to remember the bedtime ritual my husband and I developed where we kissed our baby, prayed over him and checked him at least three times before we could relax and go to bed.

I want to remember how his eyes would light up as we would play music and dance around together in his room.

And most of all, I want to remember that while we may not get to spend every single moment of our day together from here on out, that the moments we do get together I will make the most of them and always let him know how much he is loved.

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Ashley Bebensee

Hi! I’m Ashley, a Nebraska girl living in Wyoming. I grew up on a farm in western Nebraska, graduated with a class of 28 and ventured to the middle of the state to attend the University of Nebraska at Kearney. It was there I met the love of my life and husband, Brett. He is the most romantic, kind and intelligent person I know. And he makes me belly-laugh (truly the best kind). We have two cats and two dogs that are spoiled rotten. I am a content manager at a weekly newspaper, where I get to spend my days reading, writing, editing and designing a newspaper. British television shows, wine and caramel apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory are my guilty pleasure. Shopping with my mom, going to the movies with my husband, long phone conversations with my dad and spoiling my nieces and nephews are just a few of my favorite activities. While I try to plan out all the details of life like the good control freak that I am, God is always throwing in curveballs. And so far, each of those curveballs have given me a bountiful amount of stress and love, adventure and joy, and more blessings than I could have ever imagined.

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