Dear fellow moms, I messed up . . . again.
I messed up again. I’m not perfect, but this time, it feels heavier. I’ve been a good mom—consistent, loving, and supportive. I’ve made endless meals, kept our lives in order, and been there for my kids through it all. Every night, I’ve been home, tucking them in, whispering love into their dreams, making daily deposits into their hearts. But today, I stumbled. And it feels like I took a withdrawal I can’t replace.
We’re told we can’t be perfect. We know this. And yet, when we fall short, the guilt feels like it could swallow us whole. Today, I let fear lead my parenting. I got so caught up in worrying about what could go wrong, about keeping them from failing, that I let fear take the wheel. Today, fear won.
I had an explosive fight with my teenager. It wasn’t just a disagreement; it was a storm of emotions. A rule was broken, and instead of pausing to understand, I reacted. I exploded. My fear of not being heard took over, and suddenly, I was someone I didn’t recognize—shouting, defending, threatening. My teen was standing there, eyes wide with hurt, pleading for me to calm down. But I couldn’t. I was so consumed by my own stress, my own fear, that I just kept going, like a train that had lost its brakes.
And here’s the thing—I know better. I’ve been through years of therapy. I’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, worked on my self-care. I’ve done the work. But today, I was human, and being human is messy. My reaction wasn’t coming from a place of wisdom; it was coming from fear. I thought I was being threatened, thought my child was in danger, and I reacted from that raw, primal place.
Now, I’m sitting here, disappointed in myself, wishing I could rewind and do it all differently. Yes, I can work on the repair. I can sit with my son and apologize, take ownership of my part, and try to mend the fracture. But the fight? It’s out there, and I can’t take it back. I worry that in that moment, I undid some of the love I’ve poured into him over the years, that this will be a memory that sticks in his mind, coloring the way he sees me, the way he sees us.
But here’s what I’ve learned—what I’m still learning. According to Dr. Becky Kennedy, repair is the most important thing we can do as parents. We can’t always prevent the hurt, but we can always take responsibility for it. So, I sat down with my son, looked him in the eye, and I owned my fear. I told him my reaction wasn’t fair, that I let my fear control me. And I listened. I listened to his hurt, his confusion, his own fears.
We’re all just trying to keep our kids safe in a world that feels so uncertain. But today, I realized that sometimes, in my desperation to protect him, I end up hurting him. I know now that I need to show up differently—to calm myself before engaging, to explain my fears without letting them take over, and to put loving boundaries in place that come from a place of understanding, not control.
I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. We all mess up. We all have moments when fear takes over, when we don’t show up as the moms we want to be. But we can repair. We can take accountability, we can apologize, and we can grow from our mistakes. And maybe, just maybe, our kids will see that being human isn’t about being perfect. It’s about loving fiercely, messing up, and trying again.
So, on those days when we fall short of the parent we deeply desire to be, go easy on yourself. There is opportunity to reconnect with your child and bring balance back to your relationship. Here are three ways to help us repair and find balance:
Take a moment to breathe and ground yourself. Before responding to your child in heated moments, take a deep breath and ground yourself. Remind yourself of what truly matters in the conversation. Try counting to 10, stepping outside, or simply placing your hand over your heart to reconnect with calmness.
Own your emotions, and apologize. It’s powerful to show our kids that we are human. Sit down with them, acknowledge where you went wrong, and offer a sincere apology. Share with them that you acted out of fear or frustration, and let them know that you’re working on growing too.
Practice self-compassion and growth. Give yourself grace. Parenting is a journey, and we’re all learning. Reflect on what triggered your reaction, and seek out tools or support that can help you manage your emotions better next time. Acknowledging our own growth teaches our kids that learning is a lifelong process.
In the end, being a mom isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, being present, and, yes, sometimes messing up. And that’s okay. Our love, our willingness to repair, and our commitment to growth are what make all the difference.
by Whitney Fleming 
by Melissa Fenton 
