Has this article popped up in your news feed yet?

“The most effective individual steps to tackle climate change that aren’t being discussed.”

That title sure is a mouthful. But it sounds like it’s worth looking into. I want to be environment friendly. So I clicked.

The article makes sure to point out to us… several times… that the number one way to reduce your carbon footprint is to have one fewer children.

Excuse me?

Which of my three wonderful babies would you like me to eliminate?

And how, exactly, would you like me to go about doing that?

This isn’t about global warming. It’s about population control.

This attitude that children are ruining our planet churns my stomach. I’m sorry my kids are breathing all your precious oxygen. I’m sorry they fart greenhouse gases into your precious environment. Let’s kill them all.

Sicko.

You’re not trying to save the environment. You’re trying to erase humanity.

Why?

So you can indulge in your consumerist lifestyle.

Where’s the mention of the hundreds of factories that pour continuous streams of pollution into the environment? Nowhere to be found in this article. Because to admit that consumerism is the problem takes us way out of our comfort zone.

Because it’s easier for you to say “have less kids” than to say “stop buying fast-food and disposable products that fill our landfills and contribute to pollution long after you tossed them in the trash without looking back.”

Because you value your solo cups and plastic gadgets and vacations more than you value human life.

Talking about politics and the environment should never. ever. include critiquing a family size. That’s not part of the discussion. Let’s talk about clean living. Let’s talk about minimalism. Let’s keep it to lifestyle choices and not to attacking life itself.

Life is precious. Life is sacred. Life is beautiful and good.

And what the heck does “have one fewer child” even mean. I have one fewer children than my friend with four kids. The family with nine kids has one fewer than the family with ten. My sister with two kids has one fewer children than me.

How about the family with one kid, should they have had none? Should we all go childless for the sake of our environment?

Sure, kill off the human population so the world can survive. Save the environment and erase the next generation. 

Doesn’t anyone else see how messed up that is?

Well if you want to go childless, be my guest. Me, I’m shooting for 25 kids. And I’m going to teach them to live a clean life.

You want to kill off your consumerist heritage, go for it. Me and my minimalists will live on. And if we exhale too much carbon dioxide, and the world heats up another ten degrees, so be it.

The world’s been heating and cooling for billions of years now. I say let’s bring back the tropical climates. Maybe the dinosaurs will make a comeback too. And I can guarantee each of my 25 kids wants to meet a real live dinosaur.

Ladies, don’t buy the hype.

The big corporations want to put the entire onus of solving the world’s problems on the family gal. But they don’t want to take any responsibility for themselves. They want to stomp us down so they can rise up on their money thrones.

Well they can back. the freak. off.

By all means, do all the things this article suggests. Recycle. Take less vacations. Drive hybrid.

All the things. Except the “biggest thing.”

Don’t let anyone scare you into limiting your family size. Don’t let them steal the joy those beautiful smiling faces bring to your life. Don’t give them the satisfaction of enforcing population control through fear of the world imploding.

Have all the babies.

Teach them to reject the consumerist lifestyle.

And give them an extra hug for me.