Nobody tells you about the grief that comes with every diagnosis. The grief that comes from seeing your child be different.
Parents grieve the life of their child. Our minds are filled with questions. “Why my child, Lord?” “Will they have a normal life?” “Will they have a job?” “Will they have friends? Or get married?”
We have so many questions. I was angry with God for a long time when my daughter was diagnosed with autism. Why her? Why us? Why my family?
Then, she was diagnosed with epilepsy, and I had to stay strong for her and my family, all while grieving.
I’ve prayed. I’ve cried. And I’ve been angry. In the midst of it all, God is good and it’s okay to be sad.
God knows me and my heart, and God knew I would be an amazing mother. God knew this wouldn’t be too much for me to bear. It’s not selfish to question why, but we can’t get so caught up in the what-ifs that we don’t cherish the life we have now.
God has shown me I am stronger than I think and I’m a great mother. While some parents are taking their kids to soccer practice, I’m taking my daughter to physical therapy. When some parents are going to the mall, I’m taking my daughter to occupational therapy because she’s overstimulated constantly and has sensory issues. Some kids see their pediatrician once a year for a checkup; my daughter sees a neurologist, optometrist, and behavioral specialist every six months and has two therapies a week.
My daughter can’t sit still. My daughter doesn’t like certain shoes, and the seams on her socks have to fit a certain way. My daughter screams at the sight of fluorescent lights. My daughter talks to every adult she sees but doesn’t like kids. My daughter would rather play alone with dirt rather than play tag. And that’s okay.
God has a plan for her life. And if that plan is different than what I thought, then that’s okay because all I have to do is trust God and everything will be alright.