We won’t speak to the marriage. It didn’t end well.
He’s a fantastic dad, though. Really, the very best.
His role as Dad didn’t end when our marriage did, and my commitment to always help foster the relationship between him and my boys didn’t either.
In a new chapter of life for me where I’m learning the concept of both/and, it’s worth noting that a person can both disappoint you in one arena of your relationship, and also exceed all of your expectations in another.
When it comes to fathering our boys, my ex-husband has and is exceeding all of my expectations.
He loves them well. He teaches them how to love ME well. He gets their little butts in line and can put the fear of God in them while also being so soft towards them that his eyes well up with tears at the prospect of going a week without seeing them. He very rarely does go a week without seeing them, even in this strange new world of an “every other week” arrangement.
No matter what happened between him and me, no matter what kind of hurt or sour feelings may brew beneath the surface concerning our relationship with one another, you better believe my heart will ALWAYS fill with happiness at the sight of him at our boys’ football games, birthday parties, field trips, award ceremonies, and even “just lost a tooth” celebrations.
There is nowhere I’d rather him be than actively participating in the special moments of our boys’ lives. And he always is.
You don’t have to be a perfect person to still be a loving and impactful parent, and one wrong doesn’t cancel out all the rights.
In a world where it seems like more and more, people aim to be divisive—to prove a point, have a side, be right and point out the other person’s wrong—we could all stand to spend more time looking for some common bond, something to be unified on. In my opinion, there aren’t too many things better to join forces and unify over, than the goal of raising three little men who feel loved, and who aren’t little turds.
I think we are doing that well, so I high five us.
Previously published on the author’s blog